Tagged: “Forgiveness Education”
Can I forgive my cat who clawed up my favorite pillow?
I would urge you to accept what your cat did, but not forgive your cat. Cats, like other mammals, do not have rational faculties as humans do. Cats do not reason out what is right and wrong the way people do. Therefore, we cannot impute ill intent to cats the way we can with people. Forgiveness, then, is for persons and not for cats, dogs, or non-sentient issues such as tornadoes.
Do you think that, as people forgive and see the one who acted unfairly as a genuine human being with weaknesses, there is a tendency to reinterpret that person’s intentions connected to the actions? In other words, the forgiver then does not see the intention as a desire to do bad things?
I think, as people forgive those who had bad intentions, the forgivers still see the intent as bad. The forgiveness response does not change the perception of the other’s intent. Instead, forgiving changes how the forgiver perceives the offending person as someone of inherent worth, despite the bad intent.
Can you recommend a film for me in which a person forgives and yet others near this person are not happy with the decision?
Yes, there is a documentary film entitled Forgiving Dr. Mengele, in which Eva Mozes Kor forgives the Nazis for her being imprisoned in Auschwitz during World War III. Some of the twins who were imprisoned with her thought that her forgiving was not right. One person, for example, in the film refers to Eva’s forgiving as “improper.”
What are some steps to reconciliation?
I discuss the 3 R’s of remorse, repentance, and recompense. Remorse is inner sorrow for causing injustice. Repentance is the outward language and behavior to demonstrate that sorry, such as a sincere apology. Recompense is making up for the unfairness as best as one can. When a person who has been treated unfairly by another sees the 3 R’s in the one who behaved unjustly, this is good evidence that a willingness to reconcile is occurring.
Thank you for suggesting the film Forgiving Dr. Mengele. I have viewed it and it is very powerful. What is your opinion of how to handle such situations in which others look on unfavorably when a person forgives people for a horrendous injustice, as Eva did?
I tend to ask for patience as people exercise their own free will. In other words, if you see people who are forgiving someone for a certain injustice which is so serious that you would not forgive the person, try to let the forgivers make their own decisions. Similarly, if some people hesitate to forgive a person for a certain unfairness and you would forgive that person, try in this case to let the people make their own decision. Their hesitation is not necessarily the final word on the matter. Some may decide to forgive the person later.
