Tagged: “forgiveness journey”

It is hard to see the other’s wounds when she wounded me a hundred times more than what she is carrying around. When I try to look at her wounds it makes me frustrated and sad because of all the wasted time and all the hurt created. Will I ever be able to overcome this?

Yes, I truly believe you will overcome this with a determined will. Sometimes we have to fight for our healing and endure with great patience, but never, ever give up. Do not expect too much too soon. The forgiveness journey is just that, a journey and a challenging one at times. Yet, with practice you lessen anger a little more and then a little more until you can see the progress. As you are able, please keep reaching out to the other person as best you can today. Your mercy given to others will come back to you.

Based on a response in 8 Keys to Forgiveness, Chapter 5.

I have done the exercise for your Process Model and I see the stresses that the person was under. Still, this does little for my anger. Yes, I see a wounded and even a weak person, but I still want to punch him for what he did to me. What can you suggest to me so that I am not living with this resentment?

Doing the exercises is not an automatic way out of resentment. It will take time for the resentment to end. I recommend homework for you on a daily basis. Here is that homework: At least twice a day for the next two weeks, please go over the tasks in this exercise, trying to see the person more clearly at the time of the injury. Say to yourself, “I forgive (name) for hurting me at that time when this person was under stress. I will try to be merciful even though I did not receive either justice or mercy.”

Based on a response in 8 Keys to Forgiveness, Chapter 5.

I understand there is forgiveness work done in Kosovo. If so, would you please let me know. I would like to get involved with that.

In September of 2014, I was invited and attended a meeting at the United Nations Population Fund in New York City. The goal of that meeting was to discuss and possibly begin forgiveness intervention work in Kosovo. This never materialized, much to my disappointment. Yet, if you are inspired to pick up that work, I would delight in working with you on this. We have resources on forgiveness education that can be translated into different languages and brought into families, schools, and houses of worship.

What is one concrete step I can take to begin forgiving another who has hurt me?

Try to commit, as you read this, to do no harm to the other. This includes talking with bitterness about the other, deliberately ignoring, or thinking about taking revenge.

I would like to know and learn more about forgiveness. What self help books and resources can you suggest? I have been on my own forgiveness journey for a while now. The biggest challenge has been learning how to forgive my husband fully for hurting me and my family.

I would recommend any one of these 3 self-help books, which describe our Process Model of Forgiveness, which has been scientifically-tested and found to be effective:

Forgiveness Is a Choice (2001)

The Forgiving Life (2012). This is my most in-depth self-help book because it links forgiving to the moral virtue of agape love. This book is a Socratic dialogue between two women.

8 Keys to Forgiveness (2015)

I wish you the best on your healing journey.