Tagged: “Forgiveness Process”
With all of this talk about forgiveness, I think that forgiveness occurs mostly because of peer or family pressure. It is not actually a choice, as you say. How can I avoid this pressure?
The first step is to realize that others may be creating this expectation for you, as you are obviously aware. A second step is to realize that most people do not necessarily mean to put pressure on you to forgive. As a third step, if people do put pressure on you to forgive, please realize that they have your best interest at heart but may not be going about it in a way that is helpful for you. When pressured, please realize that to forgive can take time and you cannot always respond positively and quickly to those who have hurt you.
For additional information, see 8 Reasons to Forgive.
Don’t you think that forgiveness can be dangerous? After all, it asks so much of the victims, who already are hurt by the unfairness experienced. Why should victims now have to do all the work?
If someone breaks your leg, is it inappropriate for you, the victim, to go to the emergency room, endure surgery, and struggle with the physical rehab? It is the same with forgiving. If someone breaks your heart it is reasonable to do the emotional heart surgery that is forgiving.
For additional information, see Forgiveness Defined.
Can I forgive two people at a time, or is the focus usually on only one person who acts unfairly?
You certainly can forgive two or more people if both were involved in the one incident in which there was injustice toward you. If the two people hurt you in two entirely different situations, then you could forgive each one separately, one at a time. You also can forgive a group of people if this group was unjust to you. Groups as a whole can engage in unjust actions and so your forgiving the entire group, even though more abstract than forgiving one person at a time, is reasonable to do, if you so choose.
For additional information, see Learning to Forgive Others.
I have been raised in such a way that forgiveness is not the best resolution when there are problems. Standing up for what I believe in is the solution. What do you think?
I think that standing up for one’s beliefs is good. Yet, by itself, this likely will not help you to heal from built-up resentments that could last a very long time. In other words, why focus on only one approach, in this case standing up for your own beliefs? Why not expand your options by forgiving and standing up for your beliefs. Even if this standing up does not solve the problem, at least then you have solved another problem, that of resentment which can be unhealthy for you and for your loved ones.
For additional information, see Forgiveness Defined.
You talk about what you call the “global perspective” in your book, Forgiveness Is a Choice. I am having trouble understanding what this is. Would you please clarify?
A global perspective asks the forgiver to go beyond concrete specifics of the offending behavior and to view the person who offended in a larger context than those behaviors. For example, in taking a global perspective the forgiver is asked to see what is shared in common with the other person. They both need air to breathe; they both have bodies that need nutrition; each will die some day. The point is to help the forgiver see a common humanity between the two, not because of what the other did, but in spite of this.
