Tagged: “forgiveness”
How did you come up with the Process Model of Forgiveness?
Our little group read case study descriptions of forgiveness and consulted with people who said they had forgiven. We asked them for feedback on their forgiveness journeys. The Process Model underwent some revisions as we continued to talk with people and to work with some on their forgiveness. Eventually, our final version of the Process Model of Forgiveness emerged, and we tested its validity through randomized experimental and control group research studies.
Because forgiveness is a moral virtue, it seems that we are obligated in families and societies to offer our forgiving whenever we are treated unjustly by others. What do you think?
Philosophers make a distinction between obligatory moral virtues and those that are deemed as supererogatory, which are not required in societies. As an example of an obligatory moral virtue, justice must be observed when driving a car. If you decide to run a red light while driving your car, you could get a ticket because stopping under this condition is required. In contrast, the moral virtue of altruism, or giving mercifully to others, is not required. For example, suppose you are in a hurry to attend an important meeting and you pass by a person without a home who asks for money. You don’t have your wallet and you have to hurry. Your not giving the funds will not get you a ticket because the giving is optional in all societies that I know. Forgiveness is similar. If you are very angry about an injustice that just happened, you may not be ready to forgive. You will not get a ticket for this because forgiveness is your choice to offer when you are ready.
Forgiving Infidelity in a Marriage
Image by alleksana, Pexels.com
In an August 12, 2024, post on MentalHealth.com, Dana Vince reports on a married couple, Toby and Shannon, who overcame a year-long affair that Toby had with an ex-girlfriend from college. What helped was for each of them to see the weaknesses that each brought to that year. For Toby, he opened up about a conflicted family while growing up and being bullied in the past by peers. He brought a feeling of inadequacy into the marriage, and when Shannon began to work long hours, his feelings of inadequacy increased. Shannon, in their time of forgiveness, seeking forgiveness, and reconciliation, began to give more attention to the marriage so that Toby felt more of a sense of commitment on her part and on his. Their exploring weaknesses was not to find excuses for the affair but instead to better understand each other, aid each other in their weaknesses, and increase confidence in the marriage. It worked and they developed a qualitatively better marriage than prior to the challenging year.
Because forgiveness is a heroic virtue, as you say, is this a solid rationale, do you think, for forgiveness education for children?
Yes, I do think so. It seems to me that we need to start forgiveness education early—-to give children a chance to love through a wounded heart. Because forgiveness is a difficult virtue, to love those who are not being loving to you, students need practice and time to learn this. It should help them once they are adults when the storms of injustice might visit them.
Would you please post for me your view, which I have read before, regarding why you say that forgiving others is a heroic virtue? Thank you in advance for this.
What other virtue can you name that asks you to learn to love those who have been unjust to you? There is none other than…..forgiveness. This is why forgiveness is such a heroic virtue. It asks more of you than any of the other virtues, such as romantic love or the natural love for a well-behaved child. it is easy to love a child who loves you. Forgiveness is more difficult than exercising justice. It is usually easy to be fair to those who are fair to you. It is not easy to extend love to those who are not loving toward you.
