Tagged: “forgiveness”
Recent Essays in Psychology Today
Dr. Robert Enright
Within the past two months, Dr. Enright had the following two essays published In the on-line Psychology Today website:
Are You Ready to Become Forgivingly Fit?, November 15, 2025
The False Idea That Forgiveness Is for Me, Not the Offender, October 8, 2025
The essays can be accessed by clicking on the two titles.
Is it selfish of me to forgive others for my own benefit?
There is a significant difference between what forgiveness is and why a person might be motivated to forgive. When you forgive others, you deliberately show some kind of goodness to that person. Therefore, forgiveness in its essence is for the other person. If you want to forgive for your own benefit, this is a consequence of forgiving. If you forgive to feel better, this is not dishonorable. You still are forgiving (in its essence) by being good to the other, and this is not a self-interested or selfish activity. Forgiving, for example, as a consequence of being free from anger, is not selfish either. Further, as you continue to forgive, your motivations may broaden so that your interest is not only self-care but also care for the one who acted unfairly.
Have you ever encountered a situation in which the one who supposedly offended makes the claim that no injustice occurred whatsoever? If so, how would the victims deal with that?
Those who are offended need not seek permission from the one who offended. The ones offended can go ahead unconditionally and forgive whenever they are ready. Further, if the offending person harshly insists that the offended person need not forgive, or even should not forgive, the offended person can go ahead and forgive the offending person, even for this. After all, such insistence may show disrespect and, if so, constitute a moral offense.
I have a fear of forgiving because I do not want to enter back into a working relationship with my abusive boss. I am ready to move on, but if I forgive, I might be tempted to stay in my current work position. What would you recommend?
Forgiveness and reconciliation are different. Reconciliation is a negotiation strategy in which two or more people come together again in mutual trust. If you cannot trust the boss, then you need not reconcile, even if you forgive. To forgive is a free-will choice to have mercy on your boss. You can do that from a distance, for example, by not harshly putting the boss down if your conversation moves in the direction of this current employment. You can begin to see the inherent worth of your boss and soften your heart toward the boss, even when you move to another position.
As Elderly People Live with Their Family
Photo by Aa Dil, Pexels.com
Researchers, who did a study in India published in 2025, asked 12 elderly participants about their experiences of living with their families. The conclusion was that practicing forgiveness within the family context was helpful for these elderly participants in avoiding interpersonal conflicts and enhancing relationships within the family context.
The reference to the article is this:
Tiwari, G. K., Singh, A., Choudhary, A., Shukla, A., Macorya, A. K., Pandey, A., & Singh, A. K. (2025). Forgiveness in Later Life: Attributes and Consequences for Older Adults in Indian Families. Marriage & Family Review, 61(7), 710–736. https://doi.org/10.1080/01494929.2025.2484381
