Tagged: “forgiveness”
Insights on Forgiveness & Childhood Trauma
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In a comprehensive literature review, a group of researchers found that forgiving others for adverse childhood experiences can be difficult. Yet, they conclude in their Abstract, “…..forgiveness of specific perpetrators was associated with better outcomes across studies, though survivors with severe abuse histories typically reported greater difficulty with forgiving. Studies revealed harmful effects when survivors felt pressured to forgive, or not to forgive.”
The reference to this work is:
Kanter, R. L., & Wortham, J. S. (2026). Forgiveness and Adverse Childhood Experiences: A Scoping Review. Trauma, Violence, & Abuse, 0(0). https://doi.org/10.1177/15248380251410088
I have forgiven my mom, but she refuses to see any wrong that she has done. I’m now an adult living away from home. Although my brother and I bear scars from her carelessness when we were growing up, she denies any neglect. My brother and I have given this matter a lot of thought, and we both feel that it is unfair. How can we show this to my mom?
Your mother appears to be denying what actually occurred. It can be challenging to alter such a psychological defensive mechanism. This can take some time for your mom. The denial may lessen if she sees your love and support without conditions. Try, in the spirit of forgiveness, to gently bring up one specific instance of neglect when she witnesses and feels your unconditional love. Together, the tangible referent and the unconditional love could help your mother overcome her denial and become receptive to your forgiveness.
I hold quite different political opinions from my partner. He certainly does not appreciate my position, but I do respect his. We have a lot of arguments. I want to know how I can forgive him for being so combative about politics.
You should discuss what it is to be a human with him, in my opinion. Do individuals transcend their political stances? What is this “more” that transcends politics, if any? Does he think you have these other significant traits? He should, in my opinion, widen his understanding that people are more significant than politics. He and you will need to work on this more transcendent viewpoint because it can be difficult to learn. Try to perceive your partner’s broader human traits as you extend forgiveness. Both of you having a broader viewpoint of the other will probably help your relationship.
From your reading, what is the earliest document that focuses, to at least some extent, on person-to-person forgiving?
From my reading, the earliest account of person-to-person forgiveness that gives some details is the story of Joseph forgiving his half-brothers for attempted murder and selling him into slavery in Egypt. You can read this important narrative in Genesis, chapters 37-45. The fact that nine chapters are devoted to this story of forgiveness is impressive.
I just saw on an Internet website the idea that one can “forgive God.” As a Christian believer, can I forgive God?
Absolutely not. Your theology will be very distorted if you think that you can “forgive God.” After all, forgiving takes place when the other acted very unjustly. Christians know God as all perfect, sinless, and holy. Acting unjustly, therefore, does not happen here. If you are disappointed with people’s injustices in the world, focus on the truth that it is those persons, not God, who decided to act unjustly. As Christians know, God has given each person free will so that they are not robots. They are free to love, and at the same time, they are free to disobey God and act unjustly. Be careful not to fall into the considerable error that when people disappoint you, it is God’s fault. It is not.
