Tagged: “forgiveness”
If I forgive my husband for his continual insensitive remarks toward me, this worries me. In other words, where then are the boundaries that need to be set?
The boundaries are in the practice of the moral virtue of justice. Forgive and ask something of your husband. This asking-for-something is what justice is. I recommend starting with forgiveness to lower the temperature of your anger. Then, when you ask for fairness, it may be communicated more gently and even more accurately, as you are not even subtly trying to seek revenge.
Where can I find some solid information about forgiveness education so that I can bring this to my school principal? I am a teacher in an elementary school.
We have forgiveness education resources here at our International Forgiveness Institute. Here is a link to some of this information:
https://internationalforgiveness.com/information-for-school-principals-teachers-and-administrators/
Is forgiveness the same as acceptance?
No, forgiveness is not about accepting what happened. Instead, it is person-centered, with an emphasis on seeing the other person as a human being worthy of respect despite the unfairness. When you do that, you do not accept the other’s behavior. Instead, you can ask for change as you forgive. Forgiveness is a new stance toward the person, while acceptance is more like a toleration of the behavior that was unfair.
So, when I forgive, do I let the boundaries go? If not, might the other person interpret my forgiving that way anyway?
Justice as a moral virtue is about setting boundaries. Forgiveness is about having mercy on another person despite the injustice. As you forgive, also exercise justice and talk about boundaries if these are violated by the other person. If you forgive first and rid yourself of a burning resentment, then the way you ask for boundaries from the other person may be more respectful and then possibly more fruitful, leading to a resolution of the unfairness.
If I say in my heart, “I forgive you,” is that sufficient or is there more to it?
Forgiving someone who has hurt you is more than a proclamation, whether done verbally or in your own thought process. Forgiveness involves a transformation of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors toward those who were unfair to you. The proclamation, “I forgive you,” needs to be accompanied by kinder thoughts and feelings toward the person for a more complete version of what forgiveness is as a moral virtue.
