Tagged: “Forgiving”

My Forgiveness Commitment

August 16, 2021 No comments

I have made a commitment to forgive members of my family who have hurt me psychologically many times. They may be sociopathic, complicating forgiving. However, making the choice to forgive starts the process and realizing forgiveness is a process is for me at least essential to “hang in there”. I say to myself, ‘ My positive intention is to forgive.’ This seems to help as I know I’m on a hero’s journey to courageously forgive. Which gives me my power back. The power over how I feel.

Gary Manzo 

 

Keeping Anne Gallagher’s Memory and Work Alive

August 13, 2021 5 comments
On this date eight years ago, and with a heavy heart, I posted the obituary below on a peace hero of Northern Ireland, Anne Gallagher. 
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In that tribute, I vowed to keep Anne’s life-giving work alive and this post is one small indication of that promise. I am pleased to report that our forgiveness education work in Northern Ireland has continued. We are entering our 20th year of such service to the educators in that land. This all started through Anne’s tireless efforts and passion for peace in her homeland.
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Anne, I hope you are pleased with what we have done on the path which you started to walk so long ago.
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Robert

In Memoriam: Anne Gallagher, Seeds of Hope

It is with deep sadness that we announce the passing of a true patriot for peace, Anne Gallagher of Dublin, Ireland (August 7, 2013).

Anne started the peace organization, Seeds of Hope, in Ireland as a way to counter the after-effects of The Troubles. Even though the peace accord was signed in 1998, hearts were still embittered by the struggles that began to erupt in early 1972 with Bloody Sunday. Some of Anne’s friends and relations took up combat and were part of paramilitary organizations in Ireland and Northern Ireland. Anne, in contrast, sought dialogue as a way to peace.

Anne was instrumental in the International Forgiveness Institute’s transition to forgiveness education in Belfast. She tirelessly set up meetings with us at various schools such as Ligoniel, St. Vincent de Paul, and Mercy Primary School. Because of Anne’s endorsement of us, doors flew open and within about one month of trying, we were accepted into schools within the inter-face areas of the city (where contentious groups live segregated lives but in close proximity to one another)..

I recall vividly in 2003 sitting with three ex-combatants who wanted to know more about forgiveness education. They were unsure if it was a good idea. Anne set up the meeting. You see, we needed their permission to go into a particular school because some of the ex-combatants informally controlled their neighborhoods. One of them, battle-tested, said to me, “My son is in that school. Forgiveness will make him weak.” I swallowed hard and asked, “Do you want your son to grow up and live as you have?” He bowed his head and with love in his heart for his son said, “No.” It was then that he gave us permission to enter the school.

Anne was always close to danger like this. She did not care, even though some of her brothers were scared for her. Yet, she had a spark in her eyes and a conviction deep within that peace must be sought even if it meant putting oneself on the line at times.

Anne Gallagher represents peace in Ireland. We at the IFI will do our best to keep alive her vision for Seeds of Hope in each human heart. Peace be with you now, Anne.

Robert

Author’s Note: Read about the Northern Ireland Troubles, about Bloody Sunday, and about learning to forgive in the “Seeds of Hope Ex-Prisoners Think Tank Report” co-authored by Anne Gallagher (whose four brothers became involved in the Northern Ireland conflict and served long prison sentences, one being shot dead upon his release.)
— Anne Gallagher photo by Brian Moody

 

What questions can I ask myself to determine whether or not I have been treated unjustly?

July 31, 2021 No comments

I would recommend these questions to ask yourself:

Does your conscience convince you that what the other did was wrong?

If so, try to label what was unjust.  Then try to label the extent of the injustice — Is it a minor issue or a more serious issue?

Further, ask yourself this: Am I denying my own part in this?  In other words, did I push this person to anger?  This does not justify harsh behavior on the part of the other, but it may reduce the degree to which you label the behavior as deeply unjust or not.

Still further, are you denying the culpability on the part of the other?  In other words, sometimes we enable bad behavior by not wanting to confront the person or challenge the person to change.  Is this happening to you?  If so, then perhaps the injustice is more serious than you are admitting right  now.

I am a mental health professional.  Some people want a quicker fix than what your Process Model offers.  Can you recommend a brief therapy instead?

July 31, 2021 No comments

Because forgiveness is a moral virtue, it is not possible to artificially push it into a traditional psychological set of techniques that might lead to quick forgiveness.  If the injustice is serious against your client and the hurt deep within that client, then time and practice definitely are recommended. It will be worth the effort because we find that traditional psychological techniques are not a substitute for a true struggle to grow in this heroic moral virtue.  A meta-analysis by Aktar and Barlow show statistically that longer periods of time in forgiving (12 and even more sessions) are more effective than short-term therapy of 4-6 sessions.  Here is a reference to that meta-analysis:

Akhtar, S., & Barlow, J. (2018). Forgiveness therapy for the promotion of mental well-being: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Trauma, Violence, & Abuse, 19(1), 107-122.