Tagged: “hurtful event”
There is so much talk about forgiveness these days. I can’t see the advantages to forgiving. Can you convince me otherwise?
Advantages to forgiveness:
- Social scientific experiments since 1993 have shown that as people take the time to forgive, they can increase in hope and self-esteem and decrease in anger, anxiety, and depression.
- Forgiveness might get the attention of the one who did wrong, leading to that person’s seeking forgiveness.
- Forgiving and seeking forgiveness can open the door to a genuine reconciliation.
- As a moral virtue, forgiveness is good in and of itself because it is the offer of goodness. This goodness is not made less good if the other rejects that offer of forgiveness.
- Forgiveness puts more love in the world.
So, what do you think? Do you see advantages to forgiveness or do you remain skeptical?
For additional information, see: Why forgiveness is the right thing to do physically, spiritually and socially.
What is one central issue about forgiving oneself that you could pass along to me?
Forgiving yourself is a process, as is forgiving other people. If I had to choose one issue for you as you begin, it would be this: Start by forgiving others first so that you get to know the process of forgiveness. As you offer gentleness and kindness to others in forgiving them, then when you forgive yourself, apply that same kind of gentleness and kindness to yourself.
Learn more at Self-Forgiveness.
I always say that if a person is steeped in negative thinking, even such thinking about other people, then he needs something to disturb him to get him out of his negative thought pattern. If you agree with this, what is a good disturbing situation in your experience that can jolt a person out of negativism?
I think your expression “something to disturb him” is very interesting. What you mean, I think, is something to get the person’s attention in a powerful way. Yes, in my experience I have seen this “jolt” as you call it and it is this: an inner pain that becomes uncomfortable and motivates the person to do something about that pain. Carrying the weight of continual negative thoughts can lead to an abiding sense of anger that turns to resentment. The resentment then can turn on the one harboring it. Resentment can turn to fatigue, restless sleep, a lack of exercise, and a general pessimism about people. This kind of accumulated pain eventually can “jolt” a person into reality: I must do something about this pain. It is here that some people come to realize that their negative symptoms point back to being treated unjustly, being angry, then overly angry, and then miserable. It is at that point that many are willing to consider forgiveness as a fresh response to the original injustice……and to the inner pain that has developed as a result of the injustice.
For additional information, see Why Forgive?
About three years ago, I forgave my father for abandoning the family when I was just a child, 6-years-old. Now that I am grown and the pressure is off of him to parent me, here he comes and asks my forgiveness. To be honest with you, I think it is too late to hear his point of view. What do you think?
You have forgiven your father for his abandoning your family and you. I think you now have another situation in which you might consider forgiving your father for coming to you now, as you say, after the pressure is off for his parenting you. Forgiveness, as you know, is your choice. Given that you already have forgiven him for his past behavior, you now know the forgiveness pathway for forgiving him for his current issue. Please keep in mind that he may have a lot of remorse and guilt. He may not be asking for your forgiveness only because the pressure now is off. If you see his possible remorse and even anguish, it may help you in your decision to forgive.
For additional information, see 8 Keys to Forgiveness.
If you could give me one piece of advice as I ask someone to forgive me for what I have done, what would that be?
For one and only one piece of advice, I would say this: Once you have asked for forgiveness, please be patient with the person who was hurt. Do not expect instant forgiving from that person. Asking for forgiveness requires a humble approach and letting the other person choose when it is the best time to forgive.
For additional information, see Learning to Forgive Others.
