Tagged: “injustice”
What would you advise when you see that a child is so angry that he should forgive, but he cannot let go of the anger?
First, it is the child’s choice to forgive or not. If you hover over the child and demand forgiving, this could do more harm than good. Let the child be drawn to forgiveness. Perhaps you can watch a film in which a character forgives. Let the child see that and then ask such questions as these:
“Did you see what that character in the film did?
Why do you think the character forgave, even though so hurt and angry?
What happened after the forgiving, what was the consequence of the forgiving?
When we are really angry, one thing to think about is forgiving the other. It can do you a lot of good.
What do you think?”
For additional information, see Your Kids Are Smarter Than You Think.
How do I forgive my husband, daughter, and future son-in-law for treating me so horribly during this past year planning my daughter’s wedding and they didn’t want any of my suggestions? They just wanted our $45,000 and basically decided now not to have any type of reception, just keep the money for a house and have no celebration with my family or my husband’s family. She’s our only daughter and my husband gave her all this money behind my back without consulting me. She will be married on Saturday in a civil ceremony with a gathering at the in-laws apartment.
I have some questions for you:
1) Would you be willing to commit to doing no harm to your husband, your daughter, and your new son-in-law even in the context of your having the opportunity to somehow hurt them? If you answered, “Yes, I will commit to doing no harm,” then you are on the forgiveness journey. This is a big step in the process;
2) Have you tried to see each of their weaknesses, their confusions, their wounds that may have wounded you? If not, perhaps you need to do some of this cognitive work, to see them in a wider perspective than only their injuries toward you;
3) Do you think that your will is strong enough to do the work outlined in #1 and 2 above? If so, that work could lead to your forgiving if you give this time.
So, what do you think? Have you found your way onto the path of forgiveness? Let me know and I will do all that I can to help you onto the forgiveness path.
As one further resource which may be helpful to you, here is my latest blog at Psychology Today. The theme centers on being betrayed by others:
Have You Been Betrayed? 5 Suggestions for You.
What would you say to someone who refuses to reconcile with another after that other shows legitimate remorse, has apologized, and is very ready to reconcile?
The one who was hurt may have trust issues with the one who did the injuring. In other words, this could be the 25th incident of hurt. Try to discern how often the person has been hurt by the other. If there is a pattern, then it is understandable why the injured person is hesitant to reconcile.
In this kind of case, I recommend being aware of small steps, done by the injuring person, to truly change and be trustworthy. If the one who acted unfairly does not characteristically engage in hurtful actions, then perhaps there is a trust issue (in the one who refuses to forgive) that goes back a long way, even to childhood. Those who are mistreated by parents, for example, have difficulty establishing trust in their later relationships with others. If this is the case, then practicing forgiving of parents may help the person to more easily trust people in the present and move toward a healthy reconciliation.
For additional information, see Learning to Forgive Others.
Do you think that the root cause of any person’s persistent anger, pessimism, and bitterness is unforgiveness?
I would not say that the root cause is unforgiveness. The root cause is deeply unfair treatment by others, acts of injustice. I would say that as people fail to find a solution to their initial shock and anger, then unforgiveness eventually does play a part in a person continuing to live with deep anger, pessimism, and bitterness. Forgiveness offers a way out of these consequences of being treated deeply unfairly.
For additional information, see 8 Reasons to Forgive.
“FORGIVENESS IS A HEALING PROCESS. . .”
This quote is from The Gate of Light, a 2018-book by Lars Muhl, a Danish writer, mystic and musician. After years as a successful singer-songwriter in Denmark, Muhl began his self-studies of comparative religion, esoteric knowledge and philosophy and since 1988 he has focused on Aramaic, Christian and Jewish mysticism. He has written numerous books on these subjects and hosts workshops and lectures in Denmark and around the world.
Both the quote and the book were referred to the International Forgiveness Institute (IFI) by Ivy Huang, a writer and mystic in Vancouver, BC, Canada. Ivy is a long-time financial supporter of the IFI who donates through a PayPal monthly recurring payment. Ivy says she discovered the IFI while researching the etymology (origin) of the word ‘immunity’ which roughly translates to ‘forgiveness of disease’ in Sanskrit.
“Forgiveness–the release of unresolved memories and emotions–can lead to not only greater psychological well-being, but also physical benefits,” Ivy says. “On a grander scale, I believe that forgiveness can grant us collective peace.”
Like Ivy, you too can help make a difference in the world by supporting the IFI’s Forgiveness Education Programs for grade school students now operating in the U.S. and more than 30 countries around the world. Click the DONATE button to take a stand and SEND YOUR GIFT OF LOVE.
