Tagged: “injustice”

WORTH-LESS OR WORTH-MORE?

“As we continually live with love withdrawn from us and a resulting resentment (with the short-term consequences of thinking with a negative pattern, thinking specific condemning thoughts, and acting poorly), we can settle into a kind of long-term distortion of who the love-withdrawing person is, who we ourselves are, and who people are in general. The basic issue here is that once love is withdrawn from us, we can begin to withdraw a sense of worth toward the one who hurt us. The conclusion is that he or she is worth-less. Over time, we can drift into the dangerous conclusion, ‘I, too, am worthless. ’After all, others have withdrawn love from me and have concluded that I lack worth, therefore I do lack worth. Even later, we can drift into the unhealthy conclusion that there is no love in the world and so no one really has any worth, thus everyone is worth-less.”

Excerpt from the book, The Forgiving Life, Chapter 1.

Robert

What is your experience: Do children or adults forgive more easily?

The answer depends on: a) how deeply the person was hurt; b) how much prior practice in forgiving the person has had; and c) how clearly the person understands what forgiveness is.  From my experience, children for the most part (certainly not always) have lesser injustices against them than adults have.  In this case, children find it easier to forgive.  Yet, some adults have contemplated what forgiveness is, have willingly practiced it, and now are ready to offer forgiveness again when hurt.  In this case, the adults may find it easier to forgive.

For additional information, see Your Kids Are Smarter Than You Think.

With all of this talk about forgiveness, I think that forgiveness occurs mostly because of peer or family pressure.  It is not actually a choice, as you say.  How can I avoid this pressure?

The first step is to realize that others may be creating this expectation for you, as you are obviously aware. A second step is to realize that most people do not necessarily mean to put pressure on you to forgive. As a third step, if people do put pressure on you to forgive, please realize that they have your best interest at heart but may not be going about it in a way that is helpful for you. When pressured, please realize that to forgive can take time and you cannot always respond positively and quickly to those who have hurt you.

For additional information, see 8 Reasons to Forgive.

Don’t you think that forgiveness can be dangerous?  After all, it asks so much of the victims, who already are hurt by the unfairness experienced.  Why should victims now have to do all the work?

If someone breaks your leg, is it inappropriate for you, the victim, to go to the emergency room, endure surgery, and struggle with the physical rehab? It is the same with forgiving. If someone breaks your heart it is reasonable to do the emotional heart surgery that is forgiving.

For additional information, see Forgiveness Defined.

Can I forgive two people at a time, or is the focus usually on only one person who acts unfairly?

You certainly can forgive two or more people if both were involved in the one incident in which there was injustice toward you.  If the two people hurt you in two entirely different situations, then you could forgive each one separately, one at a time.  You also can forgive a group of people if this group was unjust to you.  Groups as a whole can engage in unjust actions and so your forgiving the entire group, even though more abstract than forgiving one person at a time, is reasonable to do, if you so choose.

For additional information, see Learning to Forgive Others.