Tagged: “injustice”
My father has a temper and from all I can tell, he learned this from his father. So, is anger an inherited trait?
By “inherited trait” I am guessing that you are not talking about a fixed biological characteristic, but instead are using that as a metaphor for anger being learned, over and over, across the generations. If that is what you mean, then yes, I do think that anger can be passed down through the generations and probably can last for centuries. This is why your insights are so valuable. You now see this. I would recommend that you forgive your father for his temper. Not only may this help your relationship with your father but also be a protection for your own children in the future as you see your vulnerability for passing along the family pattern of anger.
For additional information, see Why Forgive?
You talk about seeking support in the forgiveness process. I have a dilemma about that. I have a good friend (Friend A) with whom I would like to discuss my forgiveness path toward a different friend (Friend B). Yet, Friend A and Friend B also are friends. My question is this: How can I get support from Friend A without revealing that my problem is Friend B? I ask because I do not want to put Friend A on the spot by having to keep my secret from Friend B.
I recommend that when you talk with Friend A, you do not reveal that the one who hurt you is Friend B. You can talk specifics of the problem, but not talk any specifics about who was unjust to you. When we write case studies in publications, the editors always ask that we mask certain details so that we do not reveal the identities of those people in the case studies. You can do the same. Do not reveal names or specific places where the injustice occurred. It is reasonable to mask the identity of those whom you are discussing in a situation such as yours.
For additional information, see Learning to Forgive Others.
Do I have to find a particular kind of meaning after I forgive?
There is no one meaning for you to find once you have forgiven. Some people find meaning in the forgiveness process itself, as they now highly value it. Some people find meaning in the revelation about how many people are walking around with emotional wounds. Others find meaning as they discover what love in its service-to-others sense means. So, try to find the meaning that seems to fit today with your particular forgiveness journey.
For additional information, see Why Forgive?
I am a religious person and it seems to me that the cosmic perspective would work best with this kind of transcendent approach to life. Do you agree or not?
Yes, those who have a religious perspective often can and are willing to take an eternal perspective on the one who harmed you. In other words, the cosmic perspective asks you to go beyond the physical world and ask such questions as these: Is it possible that you might meet the other person in the afterlife? Did God make this person and you? If so, what does this mean about who this person is……and about who you are as a person?
For additional information, see The Personal, Global, and Cosmic Perspectives.
Can you give me one major tip for helping a friend to consider forgiving a family member with whom he used to be very close?
As one tip, I would ask this: Suppose you do not forgive this person. Further suppose that you meet this person 20 years from now. How will you feel then if you continue to harbor resentment? Now consider that you may forgive the person…….and you meet 20 years from now. How will you feel then, having forgiven? The contrast between the answers to these two questions might motivate your friend to consider forgiving sooner rather than later.
For additional information, see 8 Reasons to Forgive.
