Tagged: “injustice”
You talk about seeking support in the forgiveness process. I have a dilemma about that. I have a good friend (Friend A) with whom I would like to discuss my forgiveness path toward a different friend (Friend B). Yet, Friend A and Friend B also are friends. My question is this: How can I get support from Friend A without revealing that my problem is Friend B? I ask because I do not want to put Friend A on the spot by having to keep my secret from Friend B.
I recommend that when you talk with Friend A, you do not reveal that the one who hurt you is Friend B. You can talk specifics of the problem, but not talk any specifics about who was unjust to you. When we write case studies in publications, the editors always ask that we mask certain details so that we do not reveal the identities of those people in the case studies. You can do the same. Do not reveal names or specific places where the injustice occurred. It is reasonable to mask the identity of those whom you are discussing in a situation such as yours.
For additional information, see Learning to Forgive Others.
Do I have to find a particular kind of meaning after I forgive?
There is no one meaning for you to find once you have forgiven. Some people find meaning in the forgiveness process itself, as they now highly value it. Some people find meaning in the revelation about how many people are walking around with emotional wounds. Others find meaning as they discover what love in its service-to-others sense means. So, try to find the meaning that seems to fit today with your particular forgiveness journey.
For additional information, see Why Forgive?
I am a religious person and it seems to me that the cosmic perspective would work best with this kind of transcendent approach to life. Do you agree or not?
Yes, those who have a religious perspective often can and are willing to take an eternal perspective on the one who harmed you. In other words, the cosmic perspective asks you to go beyond the physical world and ask such questions as these: Is it possible that you might meet the other person in the afterlife? Did God make this person and you? If so, what does this mean about who this person is……and about who you are as a person?
For additional information, see The Personal, Global, and Cosmic Perspectives.
Can you give me one major tip for helping a friend to consider forgiving a family member with whom he used to be very close?
As one tip, I would ask this: Suppose you do not forgive this person. Further suppose that you meet this person 20 years from now. How will you feel then if you continue to harbor resentment? Now consider that you may forgive the person…….and you meet 20 years from now. How will you feel then, having forgiven? The contrast between the answers to these two questions might motivate your friend to consider forgiving sooner rather than later.
For additional information, see 8 Reasons to Forgive.
How can I get rid of my anger if I do not confront the person at whom I am very angry?
It seems that you might be trying to seek justice or maybe even a bit of payback from the person. I have found that the quest for justice does not always end this kind of anger. In fact, the quest for justice sometimes can increase the anger if the justice is not realized. A more sure way of reducing your anger is to try to forgive, but only if you are ready to do so. You can forgive without the other person being present by engaging in the exercises of what we call the personal, global, and cosmic perspectives. The gist of these exercises is to see the other in a much broader context than the hurts against you. Try to see the wounds in the other; try to see the common humanity that both of you share. Such perspectives do take time and so please be gentle with yourself during this time.
For additional information, see The Personal, Global, and Cosmic Perspectives.
