Tagged: “injustice”

How do I know if my anger is healthy or unhealthy?

August 24, 2019 No comments

Healthy anger is a response to injustice that is short-lived. Healthy anger basically is your way of saying, “What you did was unfair. I deserve better than that.” Unhealthy anger differs from this in: a) its intensity [There may be insults or a temper tantrum, for example.]; b) its duration [It can last for months or years.]; c) its effect on the one who is angry [This kind of anger can deplete energy and increase anxiety.]; d) its effect on the one who offended [It can lead to the other feeling inappropriately attacked.]; and e) its effect on others [The one with unhealthy anger can displace the anger onto unsuspecting other people.].

Learn more at What is Forgiveness?

It seems to me that if a person is forgiving only to get rid of anger, then this is not real forgiveness. Is this true?

August 23, 2019 No comments

There is a difference between the original motivation to forgive and what forgiveness itself actually is. Oftentimes, people start the forgiveness process to rid themselves of unhealthy anger. If they still go through the forgiveness process by committing to do no harm, try to understand who the other person is, bear the pain, and offer respect and kindness toward the offending other person, then this is actual forgiveness. The initial motivation to forgive can change so that a new motivation is to aid the one who acted unjustly.

For further information on this, you might want to read my essay (click the link below), at Psychology Today, entitled, 8 Reasons to Forgive.

Your Forgiveness Legacy

August 20, 2019 No comments

Forgiveness is not finished with you yet. How will you lead your life from this point forward? It is your choice. When that story is finally written, what will the final chapters say about you? The beauty of this story is that you are one of the contributing authors.  You do not write it alone, of course, but with the help of those who encourage you, instruct and guide you, and even hurt you. You are never alone when it comes to your love story. It does not matter one little bit where the story was going before you embraced the virtue of forgiveness. What matters now is how you finish that story, how you start to live your life from this point forward.

What do you think? Do you think that most people are deliberately and consciously writing their own love stories, in part on the basis of leading The Forgiving Life? Or, are most people rushing by, not giving much thought to forgiveness or love?

What do you think? Do you think that most people are aware of their legacy, what they will leave behind from this precise moment on,  or are they rushing about, not giving a moment’s notice to that legacy?

What do you think? Do you think that you can make a difference in a few or even many people’s lives by awakening them to the fact that they can rewrite their stories and make them love  stories through forgiveness?

Robert Enright

Enright, Robert D. (2012-07-05). The Forgiving Life (APA Lifetools) (Kindle Locations 5320-5331). American Psychological Association. Kindle Edition.

What is the appeal of anger that it can become a habit, almost an addiction? Can suppressed or passive anger become like that, too?

August 15, 2019 No comments

I think the appeal is the adrenaline rush, the feeling of being wide awake and in control, the feeling that others will not take advantage of me.  All of this is reasonable if it is within reasonable bounds.  By that I mean that the anger is not controlling you, which can happen as people fly out of control with a temper that then is hard to manage.

A habit of anger, when intense, is hard to break, but it can be done with a strong will, the practice of forgiveness, and an awareness of how the anger-habit has compromised one’s life.  Passive anger can be habit-forming as well and that is a more difficult habit to break if the person is unaware of it.  Insights of unhappiness or of reduced energy can be clues to people that they are harboring passive anger in need of healing.

Forgiving others for injustices that have fostered this kind of anger is an important step in curing the anger.

Learn more at What is Forgiveness?

Forgiveness Therapy Provides Quality of Life Benefits to Terminally-Ill Cancer Patients

August 14, 2019 No comments

Dr. Robert Enright, founder of the International Forgiveness Institute, has been called “the forgiveness trailblazer” by Time magazine and is often introduced as “the father of forgiveness research” because of his 30-year commitment to researching and implementing forgiveness programs. A research article published last week in the American Journal of Hospice and Palliative Medicine® aptly demonstrates how he earned those titles.

“Forgiveness and Reconciliation Processes in Dying Patients With Cancer”  is an article that was published by the highly-respected palliative care journal on August 5, 2019. It reports on the methodology and results of a research project conducted in a major regional Swiss hospital by a team of 20 oncology and palliative medicine professionals from Switzerland and Austria.

Three interdisciplinary units at the hospital observed 50 dying patients with cancer experiencing severe conflicts with relatives, themselves, and/or with fate/God. Participant observation was combined with descriptive statistical analysis and a semi-structured therapy protocol based on a 5-phase forgiveness and reconciliation model.

After 18 months of working with the cancer patients (22 died during the study), the medical specialists reported these results: “Forgiveness and reconciliation (F/R)  may intensify patient–family relationships and facilitate peace of mind and peaceful death. In 62% of patients, F/R processes occurred repeatedly. Patients indicated that imminent death, a mediating third party, acceptance, and experiences of hope motivated them to seek F/R.”

While those results were hailed as innovative and profound by the researchers and others, they came as no surprise to Dr. Enright. He, in fact, not only implemented forgiveness programs with terminally-ill cancer patients more than 20 years ago, he created an instructor’s manual for those treating such patients back in 2002.

Thanks to a research grant funded by the John Templeton Foundation, Dr. Enright assembled a project team in the mid-1990s that included research associates from UW-Madison, Meriter Health Services, and others that was likely the very first study involving forgiveness interventions with terminally-ill patients.

Dr. Enright’s team provided its conclusions in a report entitled, “A Palliative Care Intervention in Forgiveness Therapy for Elderly Terminally-Ill Cancer Patients.” In addition to outlining that the forgiveness therapy group demonstrated significant improvements on all measures compared to the control group, the team also concluded:

“An important goal of palliative care therapy, improving psychological health at the end of life, appears to have been achieved in this study. Older adults, in the last stage of  life because of terminal cancer, who experience emotional disruption because of perceived injustices, may benefit psychologically from forgiveness therapy.  As part of a comprehensive intervention of palliative care, forgiveness therapy may be effective for improving quality of life at the end of life.”

Following that ground-breaking study, Dr. Enright teamed up with fellow study participant Mary J. Hansen, Ph.D. (Meriter Health Services), to develop The Journey of Forgiveness: An Educational Program for Persons at the End of Life. That intervention manual is designed exclusively for those treating or caring for patients who are near the end of life.  Because of the short life-expectancy of those patients, the manual condenses Dr. Enright’s 20-Step Process Model of forgiving (developed in 1991) into four easy-to-conduct educational sessions.

Since 2002, the end-of-life manual has been distributed to and used by practitioners around the world including those at Cancer Treatment Centers of America. In one of the concluding pages of the manual, Dr. Enright writes:

“Forgiveness can bring you emotional healing. When you truly forgive, you give the gifts of mercy, generosity and ultimately, love. The forgiveness paradox is that as you give the gifts of forgiveness to others, you also receive these gifts.” ♥

Learn more at “Forgiveness for Senior Citizens and Those Nearing End of Life”