Tagged: “moving on”

Ok, I see that forgiving is more than “moving on.” Yet, what if I just want to tolerate the other. Is this forgiveness?

To tolerate may be part of the forgiveness process if you previously had deep annoyance or thoughts of revenge.  Toleration is similar to “do no harm” and so may be a beginning of the forgiveness process, but, as you may be seeing now, is not part of the essence of forgiving or what it is at its core.

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Thank you for addressing my question about the issue of whether or not people can forgive situations. I now understand that we do not forgive situations. I have another question: Some people say that forgiveness is “moving on” from injustices. So, is forgiving a “moving on” from the other person?

There is a difference between what forgiveness is in its essence (the basic truth of what it is) and how forgiveness is expressed in existence (what we are able to offer to the other right now).  In its essence, which is difficult to accomplish without much practice, an offended person who forgives offers love to the offending person.  That kind of love sometimes is called agape love, or love that is in service to the other person. 

Yet, the actual existence of a person’s forgiving right now (what the forgiver can offer) can be far less than this.  Sometimes all a person can do is to commit to “do no harm” to the offending person.  This is not the same as “moving on,” which can occur with indifference or even hatred (“I am moving on because I hate the other person.”).  Thus, forgiving is not the same as “moving on.”

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I don’t need to forgive.  I have put the person out of my life.  I have moved on.  That person can have a miserable life now as far as I am concerned.  In fact, this person would deserve misery.  I don’t really have a question, just this statement that one simply can move on without forgiving.

Thank you for your note.  While “moving on” certainly is possible when the injustice is not serious, I have found that people have a very hard time “just moving on” when deeply hurt by others.  In your case, may I challenge you a bit?  I do not think that you are “moving on” without resentment in your heart toward the person.  I say this because of your statement, “In fact, this person would deserve misery.”  This suggests to me that you still are angry.  This kind of anger can stay with a person for a very long time.  “Moving on” is not a cure for such anger.  Forgiveness, on the other hand, is a cure for it.  If and when you are ready to consider forgiveness in this case, your forgiving the person may help you reduce this feeling of resentment.

For additional information, see The Personal, Global, and Cosmic Perspectives.

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