Tagged: “The Forgiving Life”

How to Move Past Resentment

A 54-minute podcast called “How to Move Past Resentment with Dr. Robert Enright, Founder of the International Forgiveness Institute” was released today and is now available free of charge on The Growing Through It Podcast network and major podcast channels.

“When someone wrongs, hurts, or violates us, we get angry,” according to podcast host Jen Arnold.  “If we hold on to  that anger and resentment it can fester, leading to increased stress, negative emotions, poorer mental health, a weakened immune system, and higher blood pressure. In this podcast, Dr. Enright outlines how can you get past the anger so you can get on with your life.”

The interview with Dr. Enright is episode 23 of the podcast series that Arnold has been taping and airing since last year. The series, she says “offers advice, real conversations, and stories of personal setbacks to help you grow from your challenges.”


Don’t just go through it. Grow through it.

Jen Arnold


Dr. Enright opens the podcast interview by defining what forgives is and what it’s not (since forgiveness, he says, is so often misunderstood). He goes on to explain what happens when people hold on to resentment before walking listeners  through his process for forgiving others and forgiving one’s self as well as how to ask for forgiveness.

Jen Arnold is the founder and CEO of Redesigning Wellness, Inc., a company that offers resilience training to individuals and employee groups. She defines resilience as “the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats, or significant sources of stress.” Forgiveness, she adds, is an important component of that adaptation process.

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I have a friend who says he “transcends the pain” caused by someone else’s injustice.  He thinks this “non-feeling” is the endpoint of what forgiveness is.  This kind of “non-feeling” does not seem to be forgiveness in my view.  What do you think?  Is this forgiveness?

Because forgiveness is a process, a person who forgives can move from hatred, to some anger, to very little or no anger.  Yet, there is more to the process of forgiveness and this includes moving toward the moral virtue of goodness that includes positive thoughts, feelings, and behaviors toward the one who offended.  If your friend thinks that the endpoint of forgiveness is “non-feeling,” then this person is not understanding what the endpoint of forgiveness is.  On the other hand, if this person knows the endpoint and is not there yet, then the person definitely is on the path of what forgiveness actually is in its essence.

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Your Unfolding Love Story for 2023

In March of 2014, we posted a reflection here in which we encouraged you to grow in love as your legacy of 2014.  The challenge was this: Give love away as your legacy of 2014. We challenged you again in 2015…..and 2016……and we kept going. 

Our challenge to you now is this: Give love away as your legacy of 2023.

One way to start is by looking backward at one incident of 2022. Please think of one incident with one person in which you were loved unconditionally, perhaps even surprised by a partner or a parent or a caring colleague.

Think of your reaction when you felt love coming from the other and you felt love in your heart and the other saw it in your eyes. What was said? How were you affirmed for whom you are, not necessarily for something you did? What was the other’s heart like, and yours?

(Image by StockSnap.io)

Can you list some specific, concrete ways in which you have chosen love over indifference? Love over annoyance? If so, what are those specifics and how are they loving? When it is January 1, 2024, and you look back on the year 2023, what will you see? Now is your chance to put more love in the world.

As one commitment to that love as expressed through forgiveness, you might consider signing our Forgiveness Pledge here: https://internationalforgiveness.com/forgiveness-pledge/

Tempus fugitYour good will, free will, and strong will can point to a year of more love…..and the clock is ticking.

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Forbes: Forgiveness has “Immense Benefits”

Forbes Magazine is undeniably one of the most highly read news publications in the world. With 49 global editions licensed in 83 countries and printed in 28 languages, it reaches more than 140 million people worldwide on a monthly basis through direct subscription and its website.

Now the 105-year-old publication has teamed up with medical experts to tout the “immense benefits” of forgiveness on both mental and physical health in an article titled “Forgiveness: How to Forgive Yourself and Others.” It was published on Aug. 31, 2022, and received the coveted Forbes Health Advisory Board seal of approval.

“The benefits of forgiveness greatly outweigh holding a grudge, and can affect both mental and physical health in profound ways,” according to the article. “While forgiveness may feel impossible in certain circumstances, forgiveness experts—yes, this is a real field of study—say that forgiveness can be learned no matter how great the offense. Even if the person you have the hardest time forgiving is yourself, this too, they say, can be learned.”

The Forbes article relies extensively on the work of Dr. Robert Enright and calls him “a pioneer in the scientific study of forgiveness” and “a leading expert on forgiveness.” Dr. Enright is a professor of educational psychology at the University of Wisconsin-Madison and co-founder of the International Forgiveness Institute who last year was awarded the 2022 American Psychological Foundation Gold Medal Award for Impact in Psychology.

“As you can see, all the ways of practicing forgiveness as well as its benefits aren’t really about the person who wronged you; it’s about yourself,” according to the Forbes article. “Forgiveness isn’t easy, but it can be done. When you commit to putting it into practice, your mental and physical health will both be better for it.”


“Clearly forgiveness has immense benefits.”

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             Forbes Magazine


Here are the scientifically-demonstrated benefits of forgiveness cited in the article:

Mental Benefits of Practicing Forgiveness

  •    You experience less anxiety when you forgive
  •    Inability to forgive and depression can be linked
  •    You feel more hopeful and empowered when you forgive
  •    You’re less likely to hurt others

Physical Benefits of Practicing Forgiveness

  •    Forgiveness is good for your heart
  •    It’s associated with better sleep
  •    Forgiving supports the immune system

In addition to lauding the benefits of forgiveness, the article includes a helpful list of “10 Ways to Practice Forgiveness for Yourself and Others.”

Read the full Forbes Magazine article.

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I have a friend who is constantly saying that he is “transcending his anger.”  In other words, when he feels angry, he stays in the moment, observes the anger without reacting to it, and then it goes away.  He says that forgiveness is not necessary as a way of dealing with his anger.  What is your opinion of this as an approach to rid oneself of angry feelings?

If the anger is temporary and likely will fade on its own, then patience and being aware of that anger may be antidotes to the current unpleasant feelings, including his response of not behaviorally reacting to the anger.  On the other hand, if the anger is caused by the injustices of others and if that anger has been with him for weeks or months or even years, then this kind of awareness and “staying in the moment” likely is not curing the anger.  In other words, his “transcending his anger” is a short-term adjustment to the anger, but when he is not practicing this “transcendence” the anger may be resurfacing.  It is under such circumstances that forgiving (presuming he was deeply hurt by others’ injustice) may add to the healing of the current anger.  I say this because forgiveness does not just manage the anger in the present moment.  Instead, forgiveness can actually reduce the anger to manageable levels and keep it away.

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