Tagged: “The Forgiving Life”
Thank you for addressing my question about the issue of whether or not people can forgive situations. I now understand that we do not forgive situations. I have another question: Some people say that forgiveness is “moving on” from injustices. So, is forgiving a “moving on” from the other person?
There is a difference between what forgiveness is in its essence (the basic truth of what it is) and how forgiveness is expressed in existence (what we are able to offer to the other right now). In its essence, which is difficult to accomplish without much practice, an offended person who forgives offers love to the offending person. That kind of love sometimes is called agape love, or love that is in service to the other person.
Yet, the actual existence of a person’s forgiving right now (what the forgiver can offer) can be far less than this. Sometimes all a person can do is to commit to “do no harm” to the offending person. This is not the same as “moving on,” which can occur with indifference or even hatred (“I am moving on because I hate the other person.”). Thus, forgiving is not the same as “moving on.”
When a person forgives and really understands the importance of forgiving, do they then have an obligation to pass on the importance of forgiveness to others?
Because forgiveness is a choice, I do not think that we should put pressure on those who forgive to now go and become teachers of others. I do think that it is reasonable to let those who forgive know that helping others to now forgive is good, if this resonates with the person. In my own experience, I see people, who develop a pattern of being persistent forgivers, often do have an internal self-chosen obligation to teach and help others.
For additional information, see Why Forgive?
New Manual for Mental Health Professionals Recommends Use of Enright Forgiveness Therapy
A hot-off-the-press instructional manual recommends that mental health professionals adopt and employ the Enright Process Model of Forgiveness when counseling individuals who profess Pentecostal and Charismatic Christian beliefs. Those two movements together make up about 27% of all Christians and more than 584 million people worldwide, according to the Pew Research Center.
The new book, Counseling and Psychotherapy with Pentecostal and Charismatic Christians, was written by Geoffrey Sutton, a licensed psychologist and prolific author who has experience providing services to Christians from many traditions. Born in London, England, Sutton is a Professor of Psychology (Emeritus) at Evangel University in Springfield, MO, who has 14 books available on amazon.com.
“Clinicians would be advised to learn a specific approach such as the Enright Model. . .” Sutton recommends in his book. “Both of the major forgiveness intervention programs (Enright and REACH) are supported by scientific evidence of effectiveness.”
Sutton’s endorsement of the Enright Model of Forgiveness is actually a complete turnaround from his earlier positions on Christian counseling. For example, Sutton wrote a paper for the Christian Association for Psychological Studies that said a “well -articulated, comprehensive, and integrated approach to Christian counseling does not exist today.” That was at the organization’s 2015 annual meeting.
In his latest book, Sutton begins by providing an overview of religion, spirituality, and Christianity before focusing on the Pentecostal-Charismatic Christian movement that he traces back to the early 1900s. He then provides six chapters on patient assessment, counseling techniques, and interventions with special emphasis on the forgiveness interventions he now embraces because he believes they are adequately supported by empirical evidence.
“For committed Christians, spiritual identity is a substantial component of the self,” Sutton writes. “The purpose of this book is to help mental health professionals increase their cultural competence to better serve Pentecostal and Charismatic Christians who are congregants in the world’s fastest-growing religious movement.”
Learn more:
- Christian Movements and Denominations Defined
- Read selected portions of Sutton’s new book
- Pentecostal Cultures: Classic, Evangelical, Progressive, Renewal – Geoffrey Sutton Slide Presentation
Can being angry have positive consequences?
Yes, if the anger is short-lived and is a call to action to right a wrong. My worry, as spelled out in the book, Forgiveness Therapy, with Dr. Fitzgibbons, is anger that becomes prolonged (months or years) and intense. This can lead to a host of psychological compromises. We need to make the distinction between healthy and unhealthy anger.
For additional information, see How do I know if my anger is healthy or unhealthy?
You probably have heard the expression, “No pain….no gain.” I sometimes wonder if forgiving, which reduces pain, gets in the way of growth.
The expression “no pain….no gain” does not imply that one must be in constant pain to grow as a person. In weightlifting, for example, the pain is temporary for more long-term growth of muscles and strength. I think it is similar for a person’s psychology. The pain from unjust treatment is our forgiveness-gym as we develop our forgiveness muscles. The point, as it is in weightlifting, is to stop the pain so that one can grow. So, we do grow as we go though the pain. We also grow in character as we forgive. In other words, pain, working through pain, and finding relief from the pain all work together to help a person grow in virtue and character.
For additional information, see Bearing the Pain.