Tagged: “Why Forgive?”

Three Interviews by the Media in November 2024

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Dr. Enright had three media interviews this month with the following media outlets:

• Interview with Yowei Shaw and “Erin,” PROXY podcast by Apple, on the themes of betrayal and forgiveness, November 19, 2024.

• Interview with Makai Allbert, reporter for the international newspaper, The Epoch Times, on the themes of resentment and forgiveness, November 18, 2024.

• Interview with Dr. Rodrigo Nardi, psychiatrist, for his podcast with the New England Psychiatry Mentoring Institute, on the topic of forgiveness therapy, November 16, 2024.

Forgiveness Gives Light

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I was surprised this past summer when I read negative commentaries about forgiveness coming from major media outlets. As I argued on August 21, 2024 within this blog site, those criticizing forgiveness were misunderstanding what it is, confusing it, for example, with automatic reconciliation or being pressured into it as a norm that makes people miserable.

In this essay, I would like to take a different approach. Instead of dwelling on the darkness of misunderstanding, I would like to consider what forgiveness actually is when freely chosen and embraced by those who have been poorly treated.

Let us start with an analogy. We are in a dark room, and it is hard to see anything at all. In comes a little child who goes over to a bureau, picks up a candle, and carries it to you along with a match. “Would you light this candle for me, please?” the child requests. As you strike the match and unite it with the candle’s wick, all of a sudden there is bright light where there was darkness. You can see the smiling child clearly. You can see the paintings on the wall and the soft furniture, welcoming you to sit down and relax.

Forgiveness is like the lighted candle. At first, our hearts seem darkened by the injustices we suffer. That darkness almost seems as if it will be part of our identity, a part of who we are as persons. Yet, when we forgive, we offer goodness to those who have not been good to us. We offer them the light of a second chance. We offer them a view that they have worth despite what they did. We offer them light.

At the same time, and our science shows this over and over, as a person willingly and patiently gives this light of forgiveness to others, the darkness in one’s own heart fades, and the light of love can and does replace it. As that light shines onto the offending other person, it also finds its way into the hearts of our loved ones as we no longer displace our anger, our darkness, onto them.

As we give the light of forgiveness to others, that light can remain in their hearts and gives them a chance to pass that light of love to even more people. Have you ever thought of forgiveness this way? As you give the light of goodness to others, your light can be passed from one person to another, even from one generation to another. That one candle, lit in one dark room, can continue to shine across time and into many hearts.

Forgiveness is not the darkness of forced reconciliation or forced and phony empathy. When fostered and given freely to others, it is one of the most extraordinary forms of humanity.

Welcome to the light of forgiveness. May your light of forgiveness shine this Thanksgiving weekend…..and well beyond that to others.

Dr. Enright is sharing the good news of forgiveness in interviews across the world!

Dr. Robert Enright

Since our most recent post in May on this IFI News page, Dr. Robert Enright has had the following media interviews concerning different aspects of forgiveness:

Interview with Waldir Ochoa, ENTREVISTAS JIUMAN, Colombia, South America, on the topic of forgiveness, May 2, 2024.

Live interview with Dr. Michael Aronoff, Sirius XM, Doctor Radio, on the topic of forgiveness, June 25, 2024.

Interview with Gael Aitor and Kayla Suarez for Grown Kid podcast, July 12, 2024.

Interview with Malene Jensen, Weekendavisen newspaper, Denmark, on the topic of forgiveness, August 15, 2024.

Interview with Kari Knutson, University of Wisconsin-Madison Communications, on the topic of the Gallagher Brothers and the possibility of forgiveness, August 29, 2024.

Interview on the Radio Breakfast Show, Surrey, United Kingdom, on the topics of repentance and forgiveness, September 20, 2024.

Interview with Yowei Shaw, Proxy, an Apple podcast, on the topic of forgiveness, October 10, 2024.

IFI Researcher presents forgiveness intervention findings at recent New York conference

Dr. Nahlah Mandurah, who is a researcher at our International Forgiveness Institute, presented her forgiveness intervention research with post-divorced women in Saudi Arabia this October at the Association for Moral Education in New York:

Mandurah, N. & Enright, R.D. (2024, October 24). The effectiveness of a forgiveness intervention as a post-divorce program in Saudi Arabia.  Paper presented at the Association for Moral Education annual meeting, Queens, New York.

On the Necessity for Forgiveness Education 

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When I first started to study forgiveness as a possible scientific topic, I was surprised to find no empirically-based publications on the topic of person-to-person forgiving.  There were studies on apology and some non-empirical publications regarding forgiveness in therapy, but none examining forgiving with the use of statistics.  In other words, psychological science, as supposedly centered on a helping profession, managed to avoid the scientific investigation of forgiving since the late 19th century.  Such neglect was not due to the irrelevance of forgiving, but instead to psychological scientists failing to have sufficient insight to see the relevance of this topic for their profession.

All this has changed since the first empirically-based forgiveness publication appeared in 1989 (Enright, Santos, & Al-Mabuk, 1989).

Now there are thousands of research articles from a wide variety of scientists showing the relevance of forgiving for well-being after the person has suffered the negative effects of unjust treatment by others (Akhtar & Barlow, 2018; Enright & Fitzgibbons, 2024).

We now are faced with an analogous situation with regard to the implementation of forgiveness education.  This is not an exact parallel situation with the empirical science of forgiving because much science on forgiveness education already has been done (Rapp et al., 2021).  Instead, the issue centers on the implementation of forgiveness as an important component of elementary school, middle school, and high school education.  The science of forgiveness education has been summarized by Rapp et al. (2021) with this conclusion: When 1,472 students across 10 countries have undergone forgiveness education, there is a statistically significant cause-and-effect association between engaging in forgiveness education and increasing a student’s level of forgiveness toward someone who acted unfairly as well as a reduction in anger in general.  In other words, learning about forgiveness and its process can induce more forgiving in the human heart and reduce anger that could have been displaced onto others in the family or the classroom.

We should consider the need for universal forgiveness education by reflecting on this question: What is the main purpose of education? It seems that the answer is this: Education is supposed to help students prepare for adulthood by learning to read, do addition and subtraction so they can keep track of funds and other important inventories, and be cooperative members of society.

Yet, education almost never asks teachers to prepare students for the deep injustices that likely will visit them as adults.  Here is one example I encountered: A 35-year-old woman was unexpectedly faced with her husband abandoning her and their two young children.  She told me that she now has to find a job and continue raising the children alone as she confronts the rising anger and mourning that have befallen her. “I want to forgive,” she told me, “but I do not know how.”

What if this woman had forgiveness education as a child and adolescent?  She now would be ready to forgive, to reduce her rising anger, to have more energy, and to raise her children with more focus.  Forgiveness education would have prepared her for this.

Is learning how to read, to balance a checkbook, or to know the capital of Madagascar the only kind of preparation we should be giving children?  Should we be expanding our vision of education, as we have with psychological science, to now make room for forgiveness education in the classroom?

It is time.  It is more than time because it is long past time that forgiveness is seen as necessary for good preparation in being a thriving adult.

References

Akhtar, S. & Barlow, J. (2018). Forgiveness therapy for the promotion of mental well-being: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Trauma, Violence, & Abuse, 19(1), 107-122.

Enright, R.D. & Fitzgibbons, R.P. (2024). Forgiveness therapy. APA Books.

Enright, R. D., Santos, M., & Al-Mabuk, R. (1989).  The adolescent as forgiver. Journal of Adolescence, 12, 95-110.

Rapp, H., Wang Xu, J., & Enright, R.D. (2022). A meta-analysis of forgiveness education interventions’ effects on forgiveness and anger in children and adolescents. Child Development, 93, 1249-1269.