Tagged: “Why Forgive?”
My mental health professional seems to think that I have a genetic predisposition to psychological depression. If this is true, then biology and not past trauma is responsible for my current condition. Can I just forget about forgiving then under this circumstance?
Even if you have a biological predisposition to depression, forgiveness can help with the medication you might be taking. Think through your history of being treated unfairly from childhood to the present. You can do this by consulting the Forgiveness Landscape from my book, The Forgiving Life. If you identify certain people toward whom you still have considerable anger, then it would be good, if you so choose, to forgiven them. See if this aids your recovery from depression.
For additional information, see Why Forgive?
I have a problem with this whole idea of forgiveness. Forgiveness asks me to “just move on” or to “leave it in the past.” How can I “leave it in the past” when it is constantly nipping at my heals and the memories just won’t leave me alone?
Forgiveness is not just moving on or leaving something in the past. As a moral virtue, forgiveness is focused on goodness toward particular persons, those who have been unjust to you. As you forgive, you begin changing your view of that person and so this memory of “nipping at your heals” lessens. Without this paradox of struggling to be good to those who were not good to you, it is very difficult to “leave it in the past.” Forgiving allows you to move into the future without that burden of continual unfinished business.
For additional information, see The Four Phases of Forgiveness.
My partner forgives me. I cannot forgive myself. I now am feeling guilty that I cannot let myself off of that emotional hook after my partner has taken the time and trouble to forgive. What do I do now?
It is not unusual for a person to not let the self “off of the emotional hook” even after knowing that the other forgives. Why? It is because we tend to be harder on ourselves than we are on others. So, I recommend chapter 7 on self-forgiveness from my book, 8 Keys to Forgiveness.
For additional information, see Self-Forgiveness.
I don’t feel anger. So, I don’t need to forgive my father for ignoring me while I was growing up, right?
You do not have to feel anger to forge ahead with forgiving. For example, are you feeling disappointed or sad? Do you think you can have a genuine trusting relationship with your father now? If not, then forgiving would be appropriate. In other words, it is not only feelings of anger that motivate forgiving. If you think you have been treated unfairly and this is getting in the way of your current relationship with your father, then forgiving would be appropriate if you choose to do so.
For additional information, see Forgiveness Defined.
I am not in favor of focusing only on behavior and then saying, “What the person did was bad.” No. There are bad people and we can truly say, “This is a bad person.” Do you agree?
I would agree with the following: Humans, unlike any other primates, have a free will. This unique characteristic allows us to make choices that can affect our very humanity. Given this premise that we all have free will, and given the further premise that our choices can affect our humanity, it then follows that we can grow in our humanity, growing toward the greater good. If this is the case, then, through our free will choices, we can either grow in our humanity (toward the good of justice, courage, wisdom, temperance, forgiveness, and agape love in service to others) or diminish in our humanity (toward treating others as objects, cowardice, deliberately bad choices, greatly excessive behaviors, hatred, and selfishness). I would avoid the term “bad person.” Why? It is because a diminished humanity, forged by a free will of bad choices, always can be reversed by that very same free will that diminished the person’s true humanity (the goodness mentioned above). If we say someone is a “bad person” this is too permanent a label, given the free will possibility of reversing the choices that led to the stereotype of others calling the person “bad.”
For additional information, see Why Forgive?
