How do you know when you are lost on the journey of forgiveness? In other words, I have been trying to forgive my ex-husband now for over a year and I am not getting anywhere. Should I just give up trying?

Before you give up, I have some questions for you:

1) Have you committed to doing no harm to your ex-husband, even in the context of your having the opportunity to somehow hurt him?  If you answered, “Yes, I have committed to doing no harm,” then you are not lost on the forgiveness journey.  This is a big step in the process;

2) Have you tried to see his weaknesses, his confusions, his wounds that may have wounded you?  If not, perhaps you need to do some of this cognitive work, to see him in a wider perspective than only his injuries toward you;

3)  Do you think that your will is strong enough to do the work outlined in #1 and 2 above?  If so, that work could lead to your forgiving if you give this time.

So, what do you think?  Have you found your way back onto the path of forgiveness?  Are you still lost?  Let me know and I will do all that I can to help you back onto the forgiveness path.

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1 comment

  1. queendjh says:

    I really like Dr. Robert’s answers to this question. Especially #2… Once I was able to resolve my anger and forgive the picture changed for me. The picture I was able to see was more accurate than what it was prior. I was no longer the main character who was hurting. It was more about the other person and how they were hurt. I then understood how I was hurt and that my anger was smearing the picture.


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