I am having a hard time discerning the person’s intentions toward me when I was hurt.  Can you give me some clues for knowing the other’s intentions?

It is more difficult to ascertain intentions or motives than behavior because these often are internal responses hidden from view.  Yet, at times, you can get a sense of intentions by the language the other uses.  For example, has the person told you that you deserved the behavior or you somehow had it coming because of your behavior?  If so, this is a rather clear indication of an intent to behave in certain ways toward you.  On the other hand, did the person express regret or show remorse because you were hurt?  If the person shows surprise toward your struggle to understand and forgive, then the intention to hurt you probably was not there.

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