Archive for June, 2024
I have heard the term “becoming a forgiving person.” How can I become such a person?
To answer this, here is an excerpt from my book, The Forgiving Life:
Part of being a forgiving person is to know the forgiveness process and to practice it. As you understand that process more and more and become comfortable with it, you will find that this is a good beginning to being a forgiving person. At the same time, practice and feeling comfortable with this practice is not enough to transform yourself into a genuinely forgiving person. You will need to begin to foster a sense of deep connection with forgiveness. As an analogy, people can spend their whole lives working at a job or a profession but not really connect in a deep way with it. “I am someone who goes into nursing homes, does what I am told, and gets a paycheck,” is one way to see oneself. “I am someone who serves the elderly. That is not just what I do. It is a part of who I am.” This thought is much deeper than the first one. Can you begin practicing forgiveness regularly and deeply enough so that it becomes a part of you?
Enright, Robert D. (2012-07-05). The Forgiving Life (APA Lifetools) (Kindle Locations 1534-1542). American Psychological Association. Kindle Edition.
Can forgiveness interventions improve, even if not cure, the effects of anger/hostility on physical health?
There is some evidence of this in the published literature. This month on this area of our website, I have addressed a similar question with regard to cardiac health. Please see that post for the reference to the published article. Another published article showed improvement in fibromyalgia symptoms following the reduction in resentment from unjust treatment by others through a forgiveness intervention. Here is the reference to that publication:
Lee, Y-R & Enright, R.D. (2014) A forgiveness intervention for women with fibromyalgia who were abused in childhood: A pilot study. Spirituality in Clinical Practice, 1, 203-217. doi: 10.1037/scp0000025.
When someone is obviously mentally ill, and she gossips about you to the family, what advice would you give to the one who is the recipient of the gossip? My nephews have been informed by a relative who lives in a different state that I suffer from compulsive gambling. I’ve never been a gambler. Do I extend forgiveness? Given the mental instability, I wonder if I should “just let it go” rather than forgive.
Yes, I believe it is appropriate to forgive as the result is hurtful regardless of whether the aim was intentional or not. It should be easier to forgive if you are aware that the individual has a mental illness—I won’t speculate as to what it might be. Remember that there is still some degree of free will present, even in cases when a personality disorder of some sort is involved. Put another way, most people with mental disorders still have free will and, therefore, a range of ways to express themselves. This relative has picked you for condemnation. That is forgivable.
Are there any studies showing a cause-and-effect relationship between learning how to forgive and cardiac health?
Yes, we have an experimental study in which we screened cardiac patients for deep injustices against them and the presence of anger. When the experimental group (which had a forgiveness intervention) was compared with the control group (which had heart-health instruction in the hospital setting), the experimental group, after the intervention, had more blood flow through the heart compared with the participants in the control group. Here is the reference to that work:
Waltman, M.A., Russell, D.C., Coyle, C.T., Enright, R.D., Holter, A.C., & Swoboda, C. (2009). The effects of a forgiveness intervention on patients with coronary artery disease. Psychology and Health, 24, 11-27.
What is the difference between acceptance and forgiveness?
