Author Archive: directorifi

If a person is in denial about his anger, how can he possibly break that denial?  My partner has issues with his family, particularly from when he was a child, and he refuses to see this.

March 27, 2026 No comments

Denial of anger can have repercussions for one’s emotional well-being.  A key may be this: See if your partner is willing to examine his inner world.  Try to get him to see the inner discontent, possible fatigue, and even possible unhappiness—without asking about causes yet.  If these can be uncovered, the next question is: Are you ready to try to reduce or even cure much of this?  If his answer is yes, then you can move to the next question: What is the cause of this inner disruption?  He might focus on current issues, such as frustration at work or other present issues.  Try to move him back farther in time, eventually to his childhood, where you then can examine these more direct causes.  If and when he sees the connection between how he was treated as a child and his current inner unrest, the next question is this: Would you like to reduce the inner discontent from your childhood experiences?  If he answers yes, then you can propose forgiveness, but be sure to define it accurately, particularly stating that to forgive is not to excuse unjust behavior.

Thank you for your response to my question about some offenses being so awful that no one should forgive the perpetrators.  You said this is not true because some people do forgive those who commit horrible crimes.  My follow-up question is this: Might those who forgive under such awful circumstances be committing a philosophical mistake?  In other words, they should not be forgiving, but don’t know any better?

March 26, 2026 No comments

What would be the basis for you concluding that they are wrong?  For example, if a person forgives the murderer of her child and sees the murderer as a person, someone who does possess worth despite the atrocity, is this an error of judgement?  Isn’t it true that the perpetrator still is unique in all the world and therefore is special and irreplaceable?  Even if that is difficult for some people to see, it is the case that others do see this, as did Marietta Jaeger, who forgave the murderer of her daughter, Suzy.  Marietta was rational, compassionate, and not distorting reality.  In other words, her forgiving seems quite genuine and not at all a philosophical error.

I think it is wrong to forgive people for certain offenses.  For example, a murderer of a parent’s child is just too much.  I think we need to draw the line, and this is one of them for me.  What do you think?

March 26, 2026 No comments

Even if some people refuse to forgive those who perpetrate certain kinds of injustices, there are people who do forgive under such circumstances.  Therefore, the conclusion is this: All offending people are forgivable, regardless of the offense, for those who choose to forgive.  There are those who will refuse to forgive people for certain offenses. Yet, this does not support the conclusion that we cannot forgive the perpetrators of these wrongdoings.

I think that self-acceptance is better than self-forgiveness because it avoids the controversy that a person cannot actually forgive the self.  What do you think about this?

March 26, 2026 No comments

As you can see from the other recent posts here, I have responded to criticisms of self-forgiveness, concluding that it is a reasonable approach when a person is engaged in self-loathing.  Self-acceptance does not go as far as self-forgiveness.  In other words, when you deeply self-forgive, you are loving yourself again, after a possible period of excessive self-condemnation.  Self-acceptance does not necessarily include loving the self; it might instead involve tolerating or even respecting the self, without the added, higher challenge of trying to love the self as you love others.  So the two are not the same, and I see self-forgiveness as the higher moral path.