Author Archive: directorifi
Regarding my earlier question, what if the “forgiver” is denying reality and keeps insisting that the other person did wrong when no wrong was done? Here is an example: my partner keeps blaming me for being a little late coming home after work, even if it is, say, 15 minutes. She wants me to help with the kids. Yet when I am late, I am not doing any injustice because my boss insists that I stay a little later at work. She keeps insisting that she needs to forgive me. In this case, is it her call or does she need correction?
You raise a good point. You are not deliberately engaging in moral wrong because you are being obedient to the boss. In such a case, even if your partner wants to forgive and it is her choice, encourage her to explore the issue deeply and subtly. As she takes this challenge seriously, she may eventually realize that you are not deliberately doing wrong and that no forgiveness is necessary in this case.
Can you truly forgive someone who treats you cruelly yet sincerely thinks he or she was in the right, or is it just “moving on”?
Yes, you definitely can forgive someone who stands firm, believing no wrong was committed. This is the case because it is up to the forgiver to determine the wrongdoing by taking a clear and wise look at what happened. If the conclusion is that unfairness occurred, the one who was treated unfairly can forgive.
Forgiveness Guidelines for Therapists
Dr. Suzanne Freedman
A recent essay by Professor Suzanne Freedman of the University of Northern Iowa was published in the Greater Good Magazine of the University of California, Berkeley. The essay is titled “Seven Guidelines for Therapists Helping Clients to Forgive.” It provides helpful information for mental health professionals whose clients want to work on forgiving those who have been unjust to them.
Dr. Forgiveness Answers 2,000th Question!
Dr. Robert Enright
The submenu ‘Ask Dr. Forgiveness’ on this website has surpassed 2,000 questions and answers as of May 2026. This website feature has been operational since 2013. The 2,000th entry is this:
If people deny their deep anger over a long period of time, might they forget that anger? If so, would this then lead to the situation where the forgiveness process is no longer necessary?
If the injustices that led to the anger were serious and hurtful, the anger is not necessarily extinguished when the psychological defense of denial is in place. In other words, the anger can manifest in other ways, including internal compromises such as fatigue or other physical challenges. Also, anger can manifest indirectly toward innocent others as impatience, annoyance over small issues, and other disruptive behaviors. Forgiving is a protection for yourself and others as you move along your life’s path.
It seems to me that forgiving myself is harder than forgiving other people. Do you agree with this, and if so, why might this be the case?
I agree that it often is harder to forgive ourselves than to forgive other people. I think this is the case because we tend to be harder on ourselves than on others. Therefore, it may take more practice and more time to forgive oneself. Also, if people deny their wrongdoing, this can delay self-forgiveness, making it difficult due to a lack of practice. Further, some people distort self-forgiveness, thinking that it is about forgiving one’s own sins, which is not what self-forgiveness is. We do not forgive other people’s sins when we forgive them for wrongdoing. Instead, we begin to see the humanity in the other person. It is similar with self-forgiveness in that we see our own humanity and conclude that we are more than the offenses we have committed, without using this as an excuse to keep engaging in the unjust behavior.
