Author Archive: directorifi
I think that people should be held accountable. Without contrition, not even God is willing to forgive.
We would like to ask you this: Must you decide between being forgiven and taking responsibility? Do you think they are exclusive of one another? We ought to keep in mind Aristotle’s advice. None of the virtues should be practiced in isolation. Justice takes the form of accountability. Forgiveness and justice coexist in harmony. It is important to keep in mind that God forgives sins. Sins are not forgiven by people. if you base your understanding of forgiveness on the Bible, please keep in mind that the biblical account of Joseph forgiving his brothers in Genesis is an example of unconditional forgiveness. Joseph did not forgive the brothers until they had shown him repentance. It is comparable in the New Testament, in the story of the Prodigal Son, whose father forgave him unconditionally, prior to the son’s repentance.
If I begin to forgive, what does that mean? This is scary to me because I’m new to it.
You are not absolving someone of their wrongdoing when you extend forgiveness. Rather, when the time comes, you will be offering him or her a cessation of resentment and, to the extent that you are able at this moment, goodness of some kind. Reconciliation is possible, but this depends on the situation. For example, you don’t make amends, with someone who has the potential to harm you physically, until you are confident that the person has turned his life around. The main idea is that you will be attempting to show mercy to the person who has wronged you. You are free to go at your own speed and take your time so that the forgiveness path is not too much of a challenge for you.
I’m currently working on making amends with a close friend. Let’s try to be forgiving of one another, I said. Now I’m scared. Is it typical to be afraid of this? How can I overcome this fear?
You are probably afraid because you no longer trust people because of what you have gone through. Being treated unfairly can damage a sense of trust in general. While forgiveness can be helpful in this situation, you require more than that. As you witness the other person’s sincere efforts to show kindness and decorum, take note of these: Typically, trust is developed one action at a time. When you realize that the person is attempting and has good intentions, your fear should subside and you should be more willing to trust the person again.
Why do you think so many parents so often insist on one child saying, “I’m sorry” before the other child is encouraged to offer forgiveness? I ask because, in discussing your philosophy of forgiveness, you make the compelling point that forgiving is unconditional. In other words, a person can go ahead and forgive without an apology.
I think this occurs frequently because parents have not been taught deeply about forgiveness. If a parent hovers over two children, insisting on the apology and then implying a necessity for the other child to forgive quickly, this might set up false expectations in the children such as: a) forgiveness occurs quickly all the time; b) an apology is necessary; and c) they had better apologize, forgive, and reconcile very quickly or suffer the disappointment of the parent. As we know, if forgiveness is a process, then it can take some time, particularly if a child is very upset with another child. This is one example of why it would be great to introduce forgiveness, understood deeply, to parents as well as to children.
What is one strategy you can share with me about getting children interested in forgiving?
If parents show an interest in forgiving, and the parents show that they (the parents) are drawn to this moral virtue (rather than seeing it as a grim obligation), then I think the children will begin to take an interest in forgiving, not be afraid of it, and even try it with the encouragement of the parents. When a parent is reading a picture book to children, as one example of a parent showing interest, let us suppose there is conflict between two story characters. The parent might consider a short stopping of the reading of the text and ask this: “Look at all this conflict going on the story. Now let us suppose that the characters started to forgive and receive forgiveness from one another. What might that look like? What do you think would happen if this one forgave and this one was sorry for acting badly?”
