This may sound kind of odd, but when I forgive someone, I can feel guilty about it. I don’t always feel guilty about forgiving someone who has treated me deeply unfairly, but occasionally, I do. I don’t think the individual deserves to be forgiven. What assistance can you provide me to lessen my guilt?
When you forgive, you might be feeling badly about yourself because you believe you are letting the other person off the hook. If this is the case, you are considering forgiveness to be a component of the virtue of justice (i.e., treating others fairly and giving them what they deserve). If this is how you are thinking, it makes sense that you could feel guilty when you forgive since you would think that you are undermining justice. We want to act justly, not support injustice, after all. However, forgiving is not about justice-seeking. Instead, forgiveness is offering goodwill to someone who has injured you, not because of what this person did to you, but despite this. When extending forgiveness, try to keep two things in mind: a) You’re not letting someone off easily, but rather, you are showing mercy, and b) you can practice justice as you show mercy by forgiving. Put another way, hold the other person to a reasonable standard of justice when you forgive. This probably will assist you in forgiving without feeling guilty.
