Author Archive: doctorbobenright

Forgiveness Places the Burden of Change on the Victim When It Is the Offender Who Should Change

July 18, 2013 9 comments

This issue is a confusion of what forgiveness is and what it accomplishes. Forgiveness is not a moral virtue centered on justice. Justice solves problems. Forgiveness deals with the sometimes difficult aftermath of injustices. Forgiveness addresses the consequences of injustice. By so doing, this does not make forgiveness a usurper of a just response. Forgiveness as a response to injustice and the seeking of a better justice can and should exist side-by-side.

Robert

I have been going through your 20-step procedure to forgive someone. All of a sudden I hit a bump in the road and I am unsure what to do. How do I get over this bump and move forward? It concerns seeing the person as someone who has inherent worth.

July 15, 2013 No comments

It is insightful of you to realize that you have hit that bump in the road. I suggest that you revisit the units in the Uncovering Phase of the forgiveness process. Perhaps you have more anger than you at first realized. If so, this could get in your way of seeing the person as possessing inherent worth. Also, you might want to carefully examine that person’s own fears and failures as a way to see the humanity in him or her. This could help you to see the one who hurt you as human, as a person. From there you then may be able to take the next step of seeing that he or she possesses built-in worth as a person.

On the Perpetuation of Anger: 323 Years and Counting

July 13, 2013 6 comments

Yesterday was July 12, the day in which Loyalists in Northern Ireland celebrate the victory of King William of Orange against King James II at the Battle of the Boyne in 1690. The fight was for control of at least a part of Ireland either by British Protestants or Irish Catholics. The island has been politically divided in various ways since that time.

1690.

Each July 12 there are parades which commemorate this event in Belfast, Northern Ireland and other communities. Some of the Loyalists (British) this year wanted to march through a Catholic neighborhood in north Belfast. They were denied. The result? Anger and rioting with more than 30 police officers hurt as reported by the BBC.

1690.

I am doing the math here. That is 323 years ago. And there seems to be a replay of animosity that likely took place near the River Boyne at the time of the battle.

Anger has a way of living on. It is like a virus, continually jumping to new hosts to stay alive.

1690.

Yet, viruses can be stopped by good hygiene and proper care of those infected. How do we stop toxic anger?

Through forgiveness. Forgiveness stops the spread of anger and puts compassion, patience, and mercy into the situation where there was hatred, dissension, and violence before.

1690.

Let us reflect on that one number for a while—–1690.

With good forgiveness education and a will to stop the virus, where will Belfast be in 2090?

Robert

One of my professors stated that forgiveness is a passive activity. In other words, one does not solve problems by forgiving. Instead, one reacts to problems through forgiving. So, as we wait and react, we are passive and active in actually doing anything at all about our life’s problems. I wonder what you think about this.

July 10, 2013 No comments

You are wondering what I think about your professor’s thoughts on forgiveness. I think they are wrong. Just because forgiveness does not directly solve the problem of injustice does not make it passive. Yes, forgiveness comes after an injustice, but it is hardly passive. A forgiver struggles with anger, struggles to understand the one who was hurtful, and struggles to find compassion for the other. These are quite active responses. We should remember, further, that as a person forgives, the one forgiven sometimes sees the errors of his/her ways. Therefore, forgiveness actually can be one way of correcting an injustice.