Ask Dr. Forgiveness
If I “accept the pain” in forgiving, as you say, can I always handle this by myself or might I need help from others some of the time?
Let us take a physical analogy. Suppose you hurt your knee while running. You probably know when that pain is so strong as to require medical intervention and when it is not. It is the same with emotional pain. If it is strong and on-going, then it is good to seek help from others, perhaps a family member or friend if the pain is not very severe. If it is very severe, it is best to seek professional help, especially from someone who understands forgiveness and knows the forgiveness process.
I am trying to forgive my mother for some things that happened years ago. I am not feeling very angry now and so I am wondering: Am I over this or might I be repressing my anger? How can a person tell if they are repressing anger?
Question: I am wondering about the following situation. A person has tried to commit suicide because he or she was so despondent from another’s actions. The one who attempted suicide did nothing wrong. Will forgiveness (by the one who attempted) take a while to heal these deep wounds?
How would you adjust your forgiveness process for adults when working with children?
My friend started the forgiveness process to be free of inner emotional pain. He has forgiven (at least he says he has forgiven), but he still has inner pain. Does this mean that he has not forgiven?
When we forgive, all of the inner pain is not necessarily eliminated. Often the pain goes down to a manageable level so that the person can function well in life. Forgiveness is for imperfect people as the late Lewis Smedes used to say. Thus, forgiveness can work well but not necessarily lead to perfect results and this does not mean that the forgiveness process was unsuccessful. Getting emotional relief so that the pain or anger no longer dominates a person is a good outcome.
