Forgiveness News
Forgiving Infidelity in a Marriage
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In an August 12, 2024, post on MentalHealth.com, Dana Vince reports on a married couple, Toby and Shannon, who overcame a year-long affair that Toby had with an ex-girlfriend from college. What helped was for each of them to see the weaknesses that each brought to that year. For Toby, he opened up about a conflicted family while growing up and being bullied in the past by peers. He brought a feeling of inadequacy into the marriage, and when Shannon began to work long hours, his feelings of inadequacy increased. Shannon, in their time of forgiveness, seeking forgiveness, and reconciliation, began to give more attention to the marriage so that Toby felt more of a sense of commitment on her part and on his. Their exploring weaknesses was not to find excuses for the affair but instead to better understand each other, aid each other in their weaknesses, and increase confidence in the marriage. It worked and they developed a qualitatively better marriage than prior to the challenging year.
IFI Researcher presents forgiveness intervention findings at recent New York conference
Dr. Nahlah Mandurah, who is a researcher at our International Forgiveness Institute, presented her forgiveness intervention research with post-divorced women in Saudi Arabia this October at the Association for Moral Education in New York:
Mandurah, N. & Enright, R.D. (2024, October 24). The effectiveness of a forgiveness intervention as a post-divorce program in Saudi Arabia. Paper presented at the Association for Moral Education annual meeting, Queens, New York.
How can educators empower students to solve conflict with forgiveness?
Dr. Suzanne Freedman
Dr. Suzanne Freedman, a professor of human development and interpersonal forgiveness at the University of Northern Iowa and longtime team member of the IFI, recently gave an interview to an education website on how forgiveness can be helpful in conflict resolution among children and youth.
Check out the story by clicking on this link!
When people forgive extreme injustices, do others condemn this?
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Some people have made the claim that when a person forgives others for extreme injustices, then the forgiver is open to discrimination and heavy criticism. Yet, a study published in 2022 suggests otherwise. Eaton, Olenewa, and Norton (2022) asked over 100 college students in each of two studies to react to two stories, one in which a woman forgives the murderer of her child and the other in which a person forgives the drunk driver who killed the spouse and child. In both studies, even though the participants tended to disagree with the decision to forgive, most did not criticize the forgivers. At least in this study, those who are what the authors called “extreme forgivers” were not held up to extreme criticism. Even if they were, it is the forgivers’ choice whether or not to offer this surprising goodness if they choose to do so.
Eaton, J., Olenewa, J., & Norton, C. (2022). Judging extreme forgivers: How victims are perceived when they forgive the unforgivable. International Review of Victimology, 28, 33-51. https://doi.org/10.1177/02697580211028021
Should we use different words for “student loan forgiveness”?
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In perusing the Internet recently, I frequently read the term “student loan forgiveness”…….again and again…….and again. Setting aside the differences of opinion of whether or not this is a good idea, my point here is to suggest that the term should change. There is a large difference between legal pardon and forgiveness. Legal pardon is not a moral virtue. The one who pardons the loans is not the one who was offended by the loaner. Forgiveness, as a moral virtue, in contrast, is concerned with reaching out to those who have been unfair and hurtful toward the forgiver. Given these distinctions, let us make a turn and refer to the loan issue as “student loan pardon.” Why? It is for this reason: Forgiveness already is misunderstood by many. For example, forgiveness can be erroneously associated with “just giving in” or “letting the hurt go.” If we now equate forgiveness with third-party people taking debt away, we are continuing to move away from the true meanings of the word forgiveness. Let us correct this. Student loan pardon needs to be the new term.
