Forgiveness News
Dr. Enright Interviews with Dr. Sanjay Gupta on His CNN Podcast, Chasing Life
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On December 5, 2023 Dr. Enright engaged in a 35 minute interview with Dr. Sanjay Gupta for his CNN podcast, Chasing Life. It was a wide-ranging interview including what forgiveness is and is not, the scientific evidence for the efficacy of forgiving those who have been deeply unjust, and the psychological and physical outcomes for those who forgive. They even discussed the effects of forgiving on the brain. Click on this link to listen to the episode or read the transcript of the episode!
Jewish Mother Forgives the Israeli Soldiers Who Mistakenly Killed Her Hostage Son
The Times of Israel newspaper, on December 22, 2023, reported on a story in which one of the soldiers visited the mother, Iris Haim, of an Israeli citizen who was mistakenly shot in Gaza by soldiers from the 17th Battalion of the Bislamach Brigade. The son, Yotam Haim, was killed on December 15 along with two other hostages, who were mistaken as a threat.
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In a recorded message from Mrs. Haim to the soldiers, she said this as reported in The Times of Israel: ““I am Yotam’s mother. Iwanted to tell you that I love you very much, and I hug you here from afar. I know that everything that happened is absolutely not your fault……I want you to look after yourselves.”
The soldier, as reported in the newspaper, said this to Mrs. Haim: ““We received your message, and since then we have been able to function again…….Before that we had shut down.” In other words, their receiving Mrs. Haim’s forgiveness allowed them to reclaim their lives.
Such early and sincere forgiveness is not for everyone. For example, the brother of one of the others slain in this incident expressed bitterness toward the Defense Minister of Israel, blaming him and saying that he would “hunt after him.” When asked if his anger would consume him, the brother of the slain man replied, again as reported in The Times: ““I don’t have anything left to consume.”
Iris Haim is a living example of how forgiveness, after severe tragedy, can amaze and surprise the world.
When “forgiveness” is not forgiveness
We recently did an Internet search in which we typed in the term “forgiveness in the news.” On the first page there were 13 entries. Of those 13, 12 were about “student loan forgiveness.” This is a term that has been used for years within the media. We at the International Forgiveness Institute would like to clarify an important issue. “Student loan forgiveness” is not the correct term for the following reasons:
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- To forgive means that the one forgiven has done something morally wrong, but the students did not act unjustly as they engaged in the proper procedures to secure those loans.
- There is a difference between a legal pardon and forgiveness. When there is legal pardon, there is mercy shown, in this case by exonerating the students from paying back the loans or at least part of those loans. Yet, the ones exonerating are not personally hurt by the students and so they are not engaging in forgiving the students.
The proper term would be “student loan pardons.” This would be more accurate and not lead people to inadvertently distort the meaning of the word “forgiveness.”
Matthew Perry, Shame, and Self-Forgiveness
For many people, Matthew Perry was most well known as the fun-loving, affable, charming Chandler Bing from the iconic 90s sitcom ‘Friends’. As with all people who live their lives in front of an audience, there is always a more complex story and this was no different for Matthew Perry, who tragically passed away recently. Thankfully, he sought to address his personal and relational struggles with honesty and courage and was not afraid to share that journey with others.
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In the aftermath of his premature death, the New York Times posted a guest essay by Heather Havrilesky in which she reflected on some excerpts from Perry’s autobiography that addressed his experience of shame, self-forgiveness, and how his journey of self-forgiveness can be a pathway to becoming more forgiving and compassionate with others.
Havrilesky reflects in the article that Matthew Perry seems to feel a constant sense of shame that he just cannot shake:
In fact, the one person Mr. Perry can’t seem to forgive, at least for a majority of his book, is himself. He casts himself as the person who deserves blame for everything that happens.
She goes on to propose that many of us struggle with a similar dynamic of shame and self-loathing and that we would do well to walk the path of self-forgiveness so that we may find peace and be able to extend that peace to others around us. As she states elsewhere in her essay:
[W]hen you find forgiveness inside your own heart, suddenly, it’s everywhere else as well.
Be sure to read and share the essay as an invitation to experience the healing that self-forgiveness offers!
Dr. Enright Featured in the Wisconsin State Journal Newspaper
Dr. Robert Enright
The Wisconsin State Journal newspaper has a regular column entitled, Know Your Madisonian. On Saturday, October 21,2023 Dr. Robert Enright was the featured guest in that column, which was a “top story, editor’s pick” that day. The reporter, David Wahlberg, stated that Dr. Enright’s basic approach to forgiveness in world conflict zones is that “forgiveness begins at home.” In other words, when groups have been in conflict for a long time, it is best not to start peace dialogues with forgiveness, but instead to first grow in this moral virtue by practicing forgiveness in the everyday annoyances of one’s own home and community. Because forgiveness is difficult and takes time, he recommends practice and then more practice first with loved ones in the give and take of family and local community life. This helps people to grow in the moral virtue of forgiveness. Once they become more “forgivingly fit,” then people may be more receptive to the idea of group-to-group forgiving. If both sides can bring a mature perspective of forgiveness to the peace table, then the dialogue is less likely to include wounded hearts that are filled with resentment or even hatred.
