Nelly and Tracey and Inherent Worth

Do you know Nelly and Tracey? Nelly is from Cork, Ireland as my paternal grandparents were. She is now in Dublin. Nelly has a sore on her leg, is four months pregnant, and is homeless. She has kind eyes. Nelly also has desperate eyes. She does not like to beg, but she does. It is not beneath her. She is carrying a child.

Nelly is invisible to society.

Tracey has a stroller in which she pushes her two infants. She, too, is in Dublin. She has been living in a youth hostel because her partner was very abusive to her. Each day she and her little ones are one day away from being homeless. She, like Nelly, has desperate eyes.

Tracey and her two babies, just like Nelly, are invisible to society.

But, Dr. Seuss says that “a person’s a person no matter how small.”

Therefore, Nelly and her little one growing within and Tracey and her little ones are persons no matter how invisible they are to society.

Nelly and her little one and Tracey and her little ones have inherent worth.

I hope that they see that in themselves.

All people have inherent worth, built-in worth no matter what. Even if they have been abandoned and scorned and cast aside, all of these persons are persons of inherent worth….

…….even the men who cast them aside. The casting aside is not right. Yet, the key here is to train our minds to see all of these persons as they are: people of inherent worth.

Dr. Bob

On Persecution

So much persecution in the world today. I recently reported an abusive Facebook page, constructed to demean a good man who stands strong in his convictions. Earlier, I tried to help a school that lost a child to suicide because of bullying. So much persecution in the world.

If persecution happens to you, please carefully note this: You have a weapon against the attempt to demean you. You have forgiveness at your side. Take up this weapon and see the other as wounded, as trying to hurt because he or she has been hurt by others. See that your love is stronger than any persecution you may face. How I wish the child who took her own life knew of this weapon against cruelty.

Dr. Bob

Novelty vs. Repetition

OK, class, it is time for a few questions. If you “google” the word “forgiveness,” how many hits will you get? Right, 54 million. How about if you google the term “current films”? Right again, 519 million. One more: What if you google the word “chocolate”? How did you know? You are right, 704 million hits.

We are being overwhelmed by novelty. If you spent your life (and you could spend your life plus more lifetimes) clicking on each of the “chocolate” hits on google, and spent one minute on each, it would take you approximately 1339 years to do so. So much chocolate….so little time.

My point is this: We are rarely reinforced in our societies these days for engaging in repetition. After all, there is one more “chocolate” hit waiting for us on google, one more current film site to visit.

Yet, Aristotle impressed upon us the need for repetition, repetition, repetition, repetition. I can see you growing weary just reading that previous sentence. Nonetheless, the point of today’s post is this: We must resist the temptation of always looking for the next novelty item in our over-stimulated world. We must not forget the repetition and to forgive well means to engage in the repetition of forgiveness over and over and over again.

Novelty vs repetition. Novelty is winning in today’s world. Aristotle would not be amused.

Dr. Bob

Helpful Forgiveness Hint

When you are trying to forgive a person now for a recent injustice and you find yourself having trouble forgiving, please try this: Think about someone in your past who hurt you in a similar way. Have you forgiven this person from your past? If not, then he or she may be the stumbling block for your forgiving a person now.

Take some time to go back in time and repair your heart from the previous person and incident. Once your anger is diminished from that, then try forgiving the present person for the present injustice.

You see, you may have double-anger now, at the present person and the past person. Eliminating your anger from the past may free you a little more to forgive those in the present.

Dr. Bob

Reprise: Your Unfolding Love Story

We have come to a new year. Let us gently move forward one year from now to January 1, 2014. Let us do a mental exercise and pretend that 2013 is now over—gone forever. What you have said and done has now gone out to others for good or for ill. Regrets? Guilt? Remorse? These could be part of the package as you reflect back on 2013 on the first day of 2014. How have you lived in 2013? What could you have done to make the world a more loving place?

Back to present-day January 2013…now is your chance to open the door of opportunity to this New Year. An opportunity to fulfill your January 1st, 2014 hopes and dreams that you just reflected on—to make them whole, peaceful, joyous and a reality. Despite the unforeseen trials and hardships, regardless of others’ injustices and unfairness, you have the power to make the year 2013 a triumph of love worth remembering and celebrating next January 1st of 2014.

You are not the master of your fate in that you can prevent the unwanted. You, however, do have a strong influence on all of this if you make a commitment with me now to love. 2013 will be the year that you grow in love, give love to others, give love to those whom you do not think necessarily deserve it. The kind of love connected to forgiveness is that which serves–out of concern for the other. You have within you now the capacity to give this love freely, without cost, without anyone earning it. Go ahead, try it. Give love away as your legacy of 2013.

How can you start? I recommend starting by looking backward at one incident of 2012. Please think of one incident with one person in which you were loved unconditionally, perhaps even surprised by a partner or a parent or a caring colleague. Think of your reaction when you felt love coming from the other and you felt love in your heart and the other saw it in your eyes. What was said? How were you affirmed for whom you are, not necessarily for something you did? What was the other’s heart like, and yours?

This kind of love will not necessarily be a two-way street in 2013. You may have to extend the love through forgiveness, a hard but joyous road. Forgiveness is part of your unfolding love story. Forgiveness, which serves the other through compassion and gentleness, is not always reciprocated. Yet, one thing is certain: When others reflect upon 2013 in early January, 2014, they will remember your kindness, your unconditional love, your forgiveness. They will see who you really are. And as for you? Well, you will have added a chapter to your unfolding love story. How do you think that will feel?

Welcome to 2013. The International Forgiveness Institute is here to support you as you add a new chapter to your book of life.

Dr. Bob