Tagged: “Anger”

You discuss in the Uncovering Phase of forgiveness that a person should examine defense mechanisms.  For example, might I be in denial that the other truly was unjust?  Since defense mechanisms usually are hidden from the one who is denying, how are we to uncover these defense mechanisms?

I think there are two keys to uncovering the defense mechanisms.

First, if the one who is considering forgiveness does not think that there is a solution to the inner pain, then this fear can prevent an opening up to reality, to the true conclusion that “I have been wronged and I am in pain.”  When this potential forgiver sees that forgiveness is a safety net to getting rid of that inner pain, then opening up to what really happened is more likely.

Second, as the potential forgiver sees the extent of the inner pain (which can be deeper than is first discerned), then this realization of deep inner pain can be a motivation to move forward with healing.  This courageous decision to move forward helps people to see even more clearly now that the pain must be confronted, which can weaken the defense of denial.

Ukrainian Research Project Verifies Benefits of Forgiveness in Military Conflict Zones

A just-published scientific study has documented significant mental health benefits derived by Ukrainian citizens who practice forgiveness compared to those who are less willing to forgive. Those findings, according to the authors, will be especially useful for providing appropriate psychological assistance for those adversely affected by the ongoing war with Russia.

Although the Russian invasion of Ukraine began on Feb. 24 of this year, the war in eastern Ukraine has been ongoing since 2014 when a political coup overthrew the pro-Russian government. Since then, more than 14,000 people have been killed in the eastern Ukraine region of Donbas in warfare between ethnic Russians and the Ukrainian military.

That fighting has caused an obvious deterioration of socio-economic living conditions for all Ukrainians. As the armed conflict has intensified, so has the occurrence and severity of mental health issues including depression, psychosomatic diseases, anger and stress-related illnesses, trauma, alienation from friends and relatives, aggressive and antisocial behavior, and criminal activities.

What role the concept of forgiveness can play in a military conflict zone is poorly understood and has never been systematically investigated—until now. A new research report, Forgiveness as a Predictor of Mental Health in Citizens Living in the Military Conflict Zone (2019-2020), was published in the most recent issue of the Journal of Education Culture and Society.

The research was conducted during the years 2019-2020, prior to the Russian invasion. It was authored by Svetlana Kravchuk, a psychologist, and Viacheslav Khalanskyi, a psychotherapist, both of whom practice in Kyiv, the country’s capital city.

Study participants included 302 Ukrainian citizens, half living in the volatile eastern part of the country (where most of the pre-Russian invasion fighting took place), and half living in the more tranquil central part of Ukraine. Using eight different clinically validated scientific tools, the researchers were able to verify the strategic role forgiveness can play in the emotional health of conflict victims.

Here are some of their findings (direct quotes from the report):

• The obtained correlations show that the more a person is prone to forgiveness, the less anxiety and depression a person has.
• A person with a high tendency to forgiveness is characterized by higher levels of decisional forgiveness, hope, emotional forgiveness, tolerance and acceptance of others, mental health, happiness and life satisfaction, as well as tolerance for others’ mistakes.
• The more pronounced degree of tendency to forgiveness is correlated with less pronounced degree of anxiety and depression.
• Hope, happiness, life satisfaction, and tendency to forgiveness can allow citizens living in eastern Ukraine to recover quickly from psychological trauma, contribute to the successful overcoming of negative effects of military conflict and functioning successfully.

According to the authors, the practical value of this research lies in expanding and deepening the understanding of the “phenomenon of forgiveness” and, in the process, developing forgiveness therapy techniques that will work in the mental health sphere throughout Ukraine.

Learn more:

• Read the full report about the role of forgiveness in Ukraine’s military conflict.
• Forgiveness as a Missing Piece to Peace Between Ukraine and Russia (Psychology Today).
• Here’s What You Can Do to Help People in Ukraine Right Now (Time).

I was talking recently with a person who has been in law enforcement.  He said that forgiveness in this context may not be effective because those in law enforcement have more of an emphasis on such virtues as courage and heroism.  Forgiveness, he said, seems too weak of a virtue for his group.  What do you think?

Forgiveness too often is misunderstood as weakness.  Yet, what other moral virtue (whether it is justice or kindness or patience) is more heroic than forgiveness, which asks the forgiver to stand in the pain and from that position to offer goodness toward the one who injured the forgiver?  This issue of deliberately being good to those who are not good to the forgiver is heroic.  The person is committing to do no harm to the one who offended, and for that person’s good.  This is strength, not weakness, especially when we realize that the one who forgives also can ask for justice from the one who has been behaving badly.  The quest for justice, then, is likely to be more fair than seeking justice when the injured person is fuming with rage.

I don’t see how a person can get over anger if the other person has moved away.  There is no contact anymore.  How can one then dialogue about the issue so that the anger diminishes?

Reducing anger is not dependent on having face-to-face contact (or even written or virtual contact) with the other person.  Reducing the anger is a matter of the heart.  You can begin thinking about the other person in new ways, seeing this person’s vulnerabilities and eventually even seeing the person’s built-in worth.  You can do this for people who are not with you now, even for those who are deceased.

I do not like my job because of over-bearing demands from my supervisor.  I cannot leave my current position just yet.  Will forgiving even help me develop a better relationship with the supervisor?

When we forgive, we do not necessarily get the best result of a whole and fair relationship.  If you forgive your supervisor, which I do recommend if you are ready, then at the very least, your resentment can lessen and so your inner world will not be as disrupted as it might have been.  The forgiving may help you to have sufficient energy to apply for other positions if this opportunity arises.  Even without justice in the workplace, you are taking steps to guard your inner world.