The more that I take the other person’s perspective, the more I see a nasty person who should not have given in to those inner wounds.  In other words, taking this kind of perspective makes me less forgiving, not more forgiving.

When we take the other’s perspective, we do not focus exclusively on that person’s history of being wounded.  Yes, this is part of the process, but only one part.  We also ask the forgiver to take what we call the global perspective in which the forgiver tries to see that both the one who offended and the forgiver share a common humanity.  This, coupled with seeing the other person’s inner wounds, can help soften the heart of the one who is forgiving.  We further have what we call the cosmic perspective, if the forgiver has a faith-based perspective, which can include seeing that both the one who offended and the one who was offended are both loved by God.

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