Tagged: “Anger”
I have a question as a Christian. Paul tells us to not let the sun go down on our anger. Does this mean that I cannot rest for the night until I forgive?
Paul, in that passage from Ephesians, uses the Koine Greek word parorgismos. The prefix “par” intensifies the word and so anger (orge in Koine Greek) in this case means an intensive, likely revengeful kind of anger. Paul also tells us to be angry but to sin not. In other words, people do exasperate us and so we can become angry. We just have to watch how intense, and possibly destructive to others and the self, that anger can get. Do not let the sun go down on hatred. Work on that first and if you have some anger left over, rest well knowing that anger in smaller doses over shorter periods of time shows that you are a person of respect who deserves to be treated well, just as all others should be so treated.
For additional information, see How do I know if my anger is healthy or unhealthy?
Can one begin the forgiveness process without first having a thought about committing to forgiveness?
Yes, one can have an intuitive sense that forgiving is good. One can try to “step inside the other’s shoes” to see the other’s woundedness. These processes actually are part of the forgiveness process, but not everyone is aware of this. As the forgiver softens the heart toward the other, then the commitment to forgive might emerge or develop strongly enough so that the person consciously commits to the forgiveness process.
For additional information, see The Four Phases of Forgiveness.
I am able to do relaxation training and this reduces my stress and anger. Is forgiveness, then, unnecessary for me?
Forgiveness is a moral virtue and need not occur only to aid a person in reducing anger. As a moral virtue, you can forgive as an end in and of itself, because it is good. Also, try to be aware of what happens inside you once you are no longer relaxed. Does the anger well up inside you again? If so, then the practice of forgiveness might be a more permanent solution to your anger than relaxation training by itself.
Learn more at Forgiving is not. . .
What are some tips you can give me to figure out exactly why I am so angry?
In my book, The Forgiving Life (2012), I have an exercise that I call The Forgiveness Landscape. In this exercise, you start in your childhood and try to recall the central unjust incidents and the people who were unjust to you. You then rate your level of anger on a 1-to-10 scale. You do the same for your adolescence, and the same for your adult years. You then order the people/incidences from the lowest (but still significant in your life) to the highest levels of anger. This will give you a profile of your anger. I then recommend that you start with the lowest level of anger and forgive that person. Move up the anger-ladder until you have forgiven the person toward whom you have the most anger. This should aid you in not only gaining insight into your anger, but also at whom you are angry, and then to rid yourself of that anger.
For additional information, see The Four Phases of Forgiveness.
I notice at the office that some people just seem to have an angry disposition. It is not as if the job is so bad or the boss is being mean. It just seems to be a life-style for them. Is there a central reason why people like this seem to be angry all the time? And can I suggest forgiveness to them?
When you encounter people who seem to be angry all the time, it is my conjecture (and I have not met them, so I cannot know for sure) that they are harboring the effects of a significant trauma in their lives, a trauma that could go back decades. For example, if a person was abused as a child, the effects of this can be mistrust in general and resentment that is displaced onto others. Being in a marriage in which the partner is continually unjust can lead to the angry disposition which you describe. Sometimes people are unaware that they are giving this signal of anger. If people who have anger abiding in their hearts can be made aware that there is a solution to defeating that anger—forgiveness—they might or might not at first accept this. The idea of forgiveness can make some people even more angry and so you have to be gentle and not insist on their choosing forgiving. They may need time to think about forgiveness, get used to the idea, and then try it as their own free-will choice when they are ready.
To learn more, see Forgiveness Education: A Modern-Day Strategy That Can Improve Workplace Harmony.
