Tagged: “Anger”
It seems to me that for forgiveness to succeed, it is necessary for low self-esteem and toxic anger to disappear. What do you think?
For forgiveness to significantly raise a person’s self-esteem and to lower toxic anger, the person needs to commit, with a strong will, to the practice of forgiveness. This takes, as Aristotle says, practice, practice, and more practice. Our Process Model of Forgiveness is an empirically-verified way of helping people to reduce in negative emotions. Yet, when we forgive, we do not necessarily leave all negative psychological issues behind. For example, we still may have some residual anger, but that anger now no longer controls us. Instead, we are in control of the anger.
How can our students accept the spirit of forgiveness when violence is rampant in their family?
Students need to be taught that as one forgives, then seeking fairness also is necessary in certain contexts such as violence. Do not let one virtue (forgiveness) emerge without the other (justice) when there is danger. Just because certain people are unjust does not mean that now I as a forgiver am blocked from being a moral person who practices the other virtues such as courage and justice. It is hard to forgive a violent parent, but the alternative (hate) is a much harder condition with which to live for the growing child or for an adult-child who suffers the effects of that violence many years later.
How can we inspire someone to be forgiving, but not then feel like a perpetual victim?
Hearing about what forgiveness is and is not can motivate people to forgive. Simply trying forgiveness can be highly motivating because it puts love in the heart when done well. Also when forgiving is done well, the forgiver engages in the moral virtue of humility, which should help the forgiver to avoid a continual sense of victimhood with a “you owe me one” attitude.
I know that forgiving is important in both Judaism and Christianity. Is forgiveness mentioned in other faiths or worldviews such as Islam or Buddhism?
There is a book in the Koran called Joseph, which is based on the story of Joseph forgiving his half-brothers in Genesis within the Hebrew scriptures. Islam, Judaism, Christianity, Buddhism, and Hinduism have favorable views of forgiving. My book, Forgiveness Therapy, discusses these different viewpoints. The different world religions do not talk negatively about forgiveness. Buddhism does not have a word for forgiveness, but some of the stories in Buddhism show forgiveness. Again, I discuss this in the book, Forgiveness Therapy.
I forgave my partner for an offense. I forgave. He did it again. Do I go through the forgiveness process again or go in another route?
I find that people find it harder to forgive a person when the offense keeps occurring. Yet, continuing once again on the forgiveness path may make you more open to a genuine dialogue with your partner about changing his behavior and reconciling. It is hard to enter into respectful and patient dialogue when the offended person is fuming with anger.
