Tagged: “Anger”

If a parent keeps asking a child to forgive the parent, won’t that seem like forcing a child to forgive?

You raise an important point.  If a parent insists on forgiveness, this may be giving the wrong message that the child must forgive.  The parent needs forgiveness education to know that the offer of forgiveness is the child’s choice, when the child is ready.  It is best, in my view, if the child is drawn to the beauty of forgiveness rather than seeing it as a grim obligation that is forced upon the child.  In other words, the parent needs a gently approach when asking for forgiveness.

If teachers of elementary school children teach forgiveness education and then the child goes home to parents who discourage forgiveness, what is your opinion of the effectiveness of the school-based instruction?

It is difficult to know the answer to this because each situation will be different.  Yet, it seems to me that if forgiveness education is consistent across years in school, the student will have a chance to understand accurately what forgiveness is and is not.  The children then have the opportunity to choose forgiveness for themselves as they see the norm in school that forgiveness is worthwhile.

Do you think that forgiveness is something that should be taught formally in schools?

What is the purpose of education?  Isn’t it to prepare children for adulthood?  We prepare children to read. We prepare children to balance a checkbook.  Why do we not prepare them for the injustices that likely will visit each child in adulthood?  Yes, I do think we need forgiveness education in schools so that, when the students grow into adulthood and experience cruelty, sometimes unexpected and deep cruelty, we will have equipped them with how to recover from that through forgiveness, if the person now chooses forgiveness as a free will decision.  Further, it would be important to teach the teamwork of forgiving and justice-seeking so that the child does not equate forgiving with giving in to the other’s unfairness.

How do you correct a child who equates forgiveness with revenge? I sometimes hear my son saying to his friend that they can be buddies again only if he can hit him back.

I think you need to first ask your son this: If you hit your friend, do you think he will feel pain?  Then you need to ask this: “What is forgiveness?  Is it gentle?”  Try to get your son to see the large difference between causing pain and giving tenderness and love.  Once your child sees this difference, he likely will abandon the idea that hitting is equated with forgiving.

‘Peace in the Wake of Pain’ highlights the science – and healing potential – of forgiveness

The Summer 2023 edition of On Wisconsin, the University of Wisconsin’s magazine for communicating with alumni and the general public, features a full-length interview with Dr. Robert Enright, highlighting how he developed the study of forgiveness over his years in academia to contribute something of real value to people who are suffering.

Dr. Robert Enright

Dr. Enright, International Forgiveness Institute co-founder, shares how an academic crisis led to his studying of forgiveness. As he is quoted in the article, he began to wrestle with the question, “What happens to people when they’re thrown to the mat of life by others being unfair? How do they get out of that?”

The article, entitled ‘Peace in the Wake of Pain’, goes on to share how Dr. Enright and his team have helped abused youth, prison inmates, and others who have experienced deep pain and anger discover healing and peace through entering into the process of forgiveness.

The On Wisconsin feature is a wonderful opportunity for many people to hear the good news about forgiveness and its potential for healing, peace, and restoration for individuals, families, and communities. Please share generously!

“Over the past 35 years, Enright and his colleagues have worked almost exclusively with people who have been deeply traumatized and are looking for a way out of their pain,” according to the article. “Enright says people who have suffered deeply for a long time — victims of domestic abuse, incest, and political violence, for example — are often the most likely to commit to the difficult process of forgiving the injustices done to them.”