Tagged: “Barriers to Forgiveness”
It seems to me that forgiveness should not happen until the one who acted badly repents. We as forgivers then are showing concern for the other as we withhold the forgiving until this person changes behavior toward the good. So, unconditional forgiving, offering it prior to the other’s repentance is not the way to go. What do you think?
You can forgive and then support the person in repenting and changing behavior. There is no rule of human behavior that states that a person cannot repent once you initiate forgiveness toward that person.
I have seen the criticism that forgiveness can be soft on crime. In other words, a forgiving heart might make people think that prisons are no longer needed, but it all comes down to compassion and rehabilitation. I think this is dangerous thinking because some people simply behave badly no matter how compassionately we respond to them.
This argument confuses forgiveness and legal pardon. A person can forgive and see that it is important that a person, who remains a danger to society, stays in a correctional institution.
Why is it important for me as the forgiver to see that the one who offended me and I share a common humanity?
It is important so that you do not dismiss this person as less than you are. Both of you are persons and because each person is special, unique, and irreplaceable, this perspective can change our views of the other from condemnation to the idea that this is a person even when behaving badly. This may aid you in softening your heart toward that person as you forgive.
I have a follow-up question to the one I asked you about the Global Perspective. Because the Global Perspective, or seeing the common humanity between the one who was unfair and me, seems kind of abstract, will it take a long time for me to engage in the exercises of the Global Perspective?
Just because the Global Perspective is more abstract than the Personal Perspective, this does not mean that it will necessarily take you longer to work through this perspective. This is the case because, as I explained in my earlier response to you, this perspective is quite accessible as you see a common humanity between the two of you.
You talk of what you call a Global Perspective when trying to understand who the person is who acted unjustly toward me. Could you explain a little more about what this Global Perspective is?
The Global Perspective asks the forgiver to see what all people share in common. For example, each person has unique DNA, except for identical twins, who still are not the exact same because of different experiences in life. Therefore, each person is unique and this uniqueness makes each person special and irreplaceable. This is true also of the one who hurt you. It is true of you as well. As other examples of shared humanity, both of you need good nutrition and adequate sleep. When you are cut, you bleed and it is the same for the one who hurt you. Both of you are mortal and will die some day. The point of the Global Perspective is to see that both the one who offended and you share a common humanity.
