Tagged: “bearing the pain”
Bearing the pain when forgiving does not invite new pain. Instead, you face the reality that others have treated you unjustly. Rather than run from that pain, you stand up emotionally and maturely and commit to not passing that pain to others.
Can you help me with this idea of “bearing the pain”? It seems to me that if I “bear” this pain, it is like putting an 80 pound sack of potatoes on my back. It will not heal me but crush me.
I would urge you to think about this bearing the pain as a paradox. A paradox looks to be a contradiction, but is not. In this case, the more you bear the pain and do so willingly, then you begin to stand in the pain. As you stand in the pain, then that pain begins to lift, a little at a time. Then, over time, the pain leaves. At that point you begin to realize just how strong you really are. You have taken the pain and have overcome it. Of course, in the case of the forgiveness process, bearing the pain does not occur in isolation but instead in the context of other units in that process.
For additional information, see Bearing the Pain.
Bearing the pain is part of the forgiveness process, but it is not the start of that process because bearing the pain is difﬁcult for most people. The beginning of forgiveness is to understand clearly what forgiveness is and is not. To forgive is to make a deliberate choice to be good to those who are not good to you. To forgive is not to excuse the behavior, to abandon justice, or to automatically reconcile if the other’s behavior is dangerous for you. Once the person understands what forgiveness is, I recommend a step prior to bearing the pain: Commit to doing no harm to the one who hurt you.
For additional information, see Forgiveness Defined.