Does forgiveness start with bearing the pain so that pain is not cast onto others?
Bearing the pain is part of the forgiveness process, but it is not the start of that process because bearing the pain is difﬁcult for most people. The beginning of forgiveness is to understand clearly what forgiveness is and is not. To forgive is to make a deliberate choice to be good to those who are not good to you. To forgive is not to excuse the behavior, to abandon justice, or to automatically reconcile if the other’s behavior is dangerous for you. Once the person understands what forgiveness is, I recommend a step prior to bearing the pain: Commit to doing no harm to the one who hurt you.
For additional information, see Forgiveness Defined.