Tagged: “break free from the past”
My mental health professional seems to think that I have a genetic predisposition to psychological depression. If this is true, then biology and not past trauma is responsible for my current condition. Can I just forget about forgiving then under this circumstance?
Even if you have a biological predisposition to depression, forgiveness can help with the medication you might be taking. Think through your history of being treated unfairly from childhood to the present. You can do this by consulting the Forgiveness Landscape from my book, The Forgiving Life. If you identify certain people toward whom you still have considerable anger, then it would be good, if you so choose, to forgiven them. See if this aids your recovery from depression.
For additional information, see Why Forgive?
I have a problem with this whole idea of forgiveness. Forgiveness asks me to “just move on” or to “leave it in the past.” How can I “leave it in the past” when it is constantly nipping at my heals and the memories just won’t leave me alone?
Forgiveness is not just moving on or leaving something in the past. As a moral virtue, forgiveness is focused on goodness toward particular persons, those who have been unjust to you. As you forgive, you begin changing your view of that person and so this memory of “nipping at your heals” lessens. Without this paradox of struggling to be good to those who were not good to you, it is very difficult to “leave it in the past.” Forgiving allows you to move into the future without that burden of continual unfinished business.
For additional information, see The Four Phases of Forgiveness.
What steps can we take to forgive non-living things such as illnesses or natural disasters?
Actually, we do not forgive illnesses or natural disasters because these cannot act unjustly toward us. The key is to accept (rather than forgive) these when we are affected by them.
For additional information, see Forgiveness Defined.
My partner forgives me. I cannot forgive myself. I now am feeling guilty that I cannot let myself off of that emotional hook after my partner has taken the time and trouble to forgive. What do I do now?
It is not unusual for a person to not let the self “off of the emotional hook” even after knowing that the other forgives. Why? It is because we tend to be harder on ourselves than we are on others. So, I recommend chapter 7 on self-forgiveness from my book, 8 Keys to Forgiveness.
For additional information, see Self-Forgiveness.
In your intervention research, have you ever encountered a person who was made decidedly worse when going through the forgiveness process?
In our scientific studies, we have not seen any dramatic examples of people becoming decidedly worse once they willingly start the forgiveness process. Some people do not change their levels of anger, anxiety, depression, or self-esteem. This often is the case because the person has not spent enough time in the process and needs more of that time to effect the desired psychological change. We have not encountered anyone, in a wide variety of settings (incest survivors, people in drug rehabilitation, people in maximum-security prison), who becomes more enraged as a result of truly being engaged in the forgiveness process.
For additional information, see Forgiveness Research.
