Tagged: “break free from the past”
I am feeling hopeless. I know people forgive to restore peace in a relationship, but that is not possible for me. What do you suggest?
Reasons for forgiveness go beyond only a restored relationship. You can forgive because it is good in and of itself. You can forgive to rid yourself of resentment. You can forgive to pass the insights on how to forgive to your children. Thus, even if a restored relationship is not possible, you still may forgive if you choose to do this. Our research shows that as people forgive, their sense of hope increases in a statistically-significant way. You need not remain with a sense of hopelessness.
Learn more at 8 Reasons to Forgive.
How can you create a forgiving community for oppressed people? Don’t you first have to validate the injustices by solving them? Forgiveness without such validity seems weak.
One can validate oppression by acknowledging it and calling it what it is: unfair. One can own one’s legitimate anger over the oppression. Yet, if one waits to actually solve the injustice before forgiving, then those who are oppressing win twice: once with original and ongoing oppression and second by having the oppressed people living under a constant state of unhealthy anger or resentment. That resentment, over time, might be so strong as to destroy individuals and families within that oppressed community. Forgiveness without a correction of the injustice at the very least solves that one problem of destructive resentment.
Learn more at Healing Hearts, Building Peace.
I have noticed that some of my friends just are angrier than others. They do not seem to show this anger only when recently treated unfairly by others. They are just angry people. Why do you think this would be?
Without knowing the person’s history, it is not possible to know for certain why one of your friends is consistently showing anger. I suspect two issues. First, the display of anger in the home, when your friend was growing up, might have been high. In other words, angry behavior was demonstrated in the home and implicitly approved as a norm. In other words, the friend learned anger by observing it being modeled in the home. Second, the friend may have been hurt by the anger displays in the home and so there is resentment from the past that is affecting the person now, in the present. If this second scenario is correct, then the friend might benefit from forgiving one of the parents who might have displaced the anger onto your friend while growing up.
Learn more at Family Forgiveness Guidelines.
I am in an unfortunate situation at work. My boss is overbearing to such an extent that I no longer want to work here. Yet, because of my current circumstances, I cannot leave my position. If I seek justice from the boss, I could be fired. So, what do you recommend?
When we forgive, we do not necessarily get the best result of a whole and fair relationship. If you forgive your boss, which I do recommend if you are ready, then at the very least, your resentment can lessen and so your inner world will not be as disrupted as it might have been. The forgiving may help you to have sufficient energy to apply for other positions if this opportunity arises. Even without justice in the workplace, you are taking steps to guard your inner world.
Learn more at What is Forgiveness?
I am an adult who has hurt my mother a number of times when I was a teenager. I now very much would like to have her forgive me, but I am not sure that she has thought much about forgiveness. She seems to have accepted who I was as a teen—a very immature young person. Yet, I would like to see her truly forgive me. How can I approach her with the idea of forgiveness?
One approach is to take one of the self-help books, such as my The Forgiving Life book published by the American Psychological Association. I recommend that you read it first. If you think it is appropriate for your mother, then share it with her and point out some of the sections in the book that proved helpful to you. Your mother might get interested and, if so, this would give her a chance to work through the forgiveness process.
Learn more at The Forgiving Life.
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