Tagged: “Dr. Robert Enright”
If I forgive and say to myself, “Everything now is ok,” might this increase my repression of what happened as I try to move away from it?
When you forgive, you do not proclaim to yourself that “everything is ok.” Instead, you stand with courage that what the other person did was unfair, is unfair, and always will be unfair. You see the injustice for what it is, without repression, because you know you can overcome the anger and sadness that are effects of the injustice against you.
Could you please share with me the reference to your latest publication on forgiveness education in Iran.
The reference for that work is this:
Ghobari Bonab, B., Khodayarifard, M., Geshnigani, R.H., Khoei, B., Nosrati, F., Song, J. Y., & Enright, R.D. (2024) Effectiveness of forgiveness education with adolescents in Iran: Increasing the positive psychology of empathy, altruism, and willingness to forgive. Journal of Moral Education. https://doi.org/10.1080/03057240.2024.2360210
Your definition of forgiveness asks too much of the one forgiving. You go so far as to say that as one forgives, then he offers love to the one who was unfair. My response is, “No way.” I am not going to love the one who was cruel to me. What do you think?
There is a difference, in Aristotelian philosophy, between what a particular moral virtue is in truth and on its highest level (its Essence) compared with how we express that moral virtue in our own imperfect thoughts, feelings, and actions (in what is called Existence). Even though loving the one who offended you is part of the Essence of forgiving, this may not be attainable for you right now (in the Existence of your forgiving right now). This does not make you a failure. Further, it does not mean that forgiveness has overstepped its bounds by being connected with loving those (aiding them even when it is difficult to do so) who do not love us. Loving the other in this way is a goal that you might or might not be able to attain in Existence. Yet, this does not diminish the Essence of what forgiveness is in truth.
How can I get a copy of your children’s book, Rising Above the Storm Clouds?
That book, originally published by the American Psychological Association, is now available free of charge here on our International Forgiveness Institute’s website. Please see the homepage, lower left, “Free Children’s Forgiveness Books.”
It is really hard to forgive my father. In terms of family hierarchy, he is at the top, the one who leads us. Can I forgive someone who is higher than I am in the family hierarchy? It seems that I am putting him down if I forgive him.
When you forgive, you are not “putting down” your father. Forgiveness is not a condemnation of people. Yes, it is an acknowledgment that the other has done wrong, but with an eye toward the truth that this person, despite the unjust behavior, has inherent worth. So, please first try to see that as you forgive, you are not condemning your father for unjust behavior. You are standing in the truth that your father, at times, has acted unjustly, but these behaviors do not ultimately define who your father is.
