Here is my fourth follow-up question: I think you just confirmed my original issue. Isn’t this focus on one’s own resentment selfish? After all, it is about oneself and not about the other person.
There is a large difference between selfishness and self-care. If a person has an injured jaw from being hit by another person, is it selfish to go for medical help for the jaw? No. This is self-care. A person who engages in the self-care for healing from resentment actually helps other people, too, because then the anger is not displaced onto others, including innocent others who were not the ones who behaved unjustly.
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