Tagged: “Enright Forgiveness Process Model”

How do I find a therapist who has trained with IFI?

Thank you for your question. Because Forgiveness Therapy interventions are becoming standard practice for more and more psychologists and others in the helping professions, the demand for our Forgiveness Therapy Continuing Education Course continues to grow. As far as we know, our course is currently the only one available that provides in-depth training for forgiveness therapy so those who have completed the course are a unique group of trailblazing professionals. Our course is based on the clinical manual also called Forgiveness Therapy and authored by me (a licensed psychologist) and my co-author, Dr. Richard Fitzgibbons, an MD and a psychiatrist.

Those who successfully complete the course receive a completion certificate from the International Forgiveness Institute (IFI) that can be displayed in clinics and offices alongside other professional credentials. Those individuals may also, of course, advertise their forgiveness expertise in their clinical promotions and printed materials. That means the best way to find a therapist who has trained with the IFI is to ask the practitioner if he or she has undertaken forgiveness therapy training and, if so, who provided that training. Don’t be afraid to ask for documentation of that training (i.e., an IFI Certificate of Completion).

The best advice we can give on finding a therapist is to follow the step-by-step guidance we provide on our website in the section called “Find a Helping Professional.” There you will be able to access valuable fact sheets like “How to Choose a Psychologist” and “How Do I Find a Therapist Near Me?” If you think online therapy might be a viable option to consider, you will find guidance in our article “Reasons to Choose an Online Therapist.” More importantly, that page of our website includes links to three different reputable agencies, including the American Psychological Association, that provide no-cost services to help you locate a helping professional by geographic area or practice area. You’ll find all that at our “Find a Helping Professional” section.

I am not someone who likes to go to psychotherapy. Yet, I prefer not to be alone on the forgiveness process. What would you recommend under this circumstance?

We have three self-help books that lead people through the forgiveness process: Forgiveness Is a Choice, The Forgiving Life, and 8 Keys to Forgiveness. I recommend that you choose one of these books and get two copies, one for a trusted friend and one for you. Both of you can go through the forgiveness process together, even sharing your own unique journeys with each other. This kind of support may help both of you forgive one person who has hurt your friend and one person who has hurt you.

Where and how can you start to forgive yourself?

I have found that self-forgiveness for many people is more difficult than forgiving others because we are harder on ourselves.  So, I recommend that first you forgive someone who has hurt you.  We have several self-help books for this, such as The Forgiving Life.  Once you know the pathway of forgiving others, then you can apply that learning to yourself.  You can begin to see your own inherent (built-in) worth.  You can start to bear the pain of what happened so that you are not continually condemning yourself for what you did in the past.  You can begin to welcome yourself back into the human community.

You can read some specifics about self-forgiveness by clicking on the Set Yourself Free link below, which is from my blog at Psychology Today, also called The Forgiving Life:

Another source is the chapter on self-forgiveness in my book, 8 Keys to Forgiveness.

I wish you the best in this healing journey.

It is hard to see the other’s wounds when she wounded me a hundred times more than what she is carrying around. When I try to look at her wounds it makes me frustrated and sad because of all the wasted time and all the hurt created. Will I ever be able to overcome this?

Yes, I truly believe you will overcome this with a determined will. Sometimes we have to fight for our healing and endure with great patience, but never, ever give up. Do not expect too much too soon. The forgiveness journey is just that, a journey and a challenging one at times. Yet, with practice you lessen anger a little more and then a little more until you can see the progress. As you are able, please keep reaching out to the other person as best you can today. Your mercy given to others will come back to you.

Based on a response in 8 Keys to Forgiveness, Chapter 5.

I have done the exercise for your Process Model and I see the stresses that the person was under. Still, this does little for my anger. Yes, I see a wounded and even a weak person, but I still want to punch him for what he did to me. What can you suggest to me so that I am not living with this resentment?

Doing the exercises is not an automatic way out of resentment. It will take time for the resentment to end. I recommend homework for you on a daily basis. Here is that homework: At least twice a day for the next two weeks, please go over the tasks in this exercise, trying to see the person more clearly at the time of the injury. Say to yourself, “I forgive (name) for hurting me at that time when this person was under stress. I will try to be merciful even though I did not receive either justice or mercy.”

Based on a response in 8 Keys to Forgiveness, Chapter 5.