Tagged: “Enright Forgiveness Process Model”
Is forgiveness actually possible, in a deep sense, if the one who did wrong does not apologize?
Your questions have good timing. This month’s blog on this website addresses your question. As you will see, a person can forgive without an apology coming from the other person.
When might forgiveness become enabling? I am afraid to forgive because it may give the other person the wrong idea that I am ok with his behavior.
Forgiveness in its true sense never becomes enabling. A misunderstanding may occur if either the forgiver or the one forgiven (or both) perceives forgiveness as condoning injustice. Yet, when people forgive, they can and should bring justice into the equation. In other words, as you forgive, ask something of the other so that the unfair behavior changes.
I have forgiven my partner for constant criticisms. Yet, the criticisms continue. I now am wondering if my forgiving is giving my partner implicit permission to continue the criticisms. Do you think this might be possible?
From what I can tell, you are forgiving without asking your partner to communicate with you in a more positive way. As you forgive, try to approach your partner when your anger is lower and ask about the possibility of communicating with you in a more civil and even loving way. It is not the forgiving that is the problem. It seems to me that a missing step is asking for the justice of better communication after you have forgiven.
I have read one criticism of forgiveness that goes something like this: If people forgive, this may lower accountability. In the case of legal issues, someone who requires serious time in corrections may be let off with too light of a sentence. What do you think of this?
When you forgive, you can and should seek justice as these two moral virtues (forgiveness and justice) can occur simultaneously. Regarding the legal issue, there is an important difference between people forgiving others for offending them and legal pardon, in which the judge was not the one offended. In the event that judges are offended, they must recuse themselves from the case. In other words, forgiving for personal offenses and engaging in legal pardon toward someone who did not personally hurt the judge are quite different.
I recently read that forgiving another person is “freeing yourself from the burden of negative emotions.” Is this what forgiveness is?
Actually, no, this is not what forgiveness is in its deepest sense. Because forgiveness is a moral virtue, it involves, as best you can at the present time, being good to those who are not good to you. Forgiving includes seeing the humanity in the other person and working toward more positive thoughts, feelings, and behaviors toward the one who offended you. As an example of positive behavior, this might be a kind word to the other person or even a kind word about that person to others if you are not reconciled with the one who acted unfairly. “Freeing yourself from the burden of negative emotions” is one of the consequences of forgiving. This consequence should not be confused with what forgiveness actually is.
