Tagged: “Enright Forgiveness Process Model”
I have a fear of forgiving because I do not want to enter back into a working relationship with my abusive boss. I am ready to move on, but if I forgive, I might be tempted to stay in my current work position. What would you recommend?
Forgiveness and reconciliation are different. Reconciliation is a negotiation strategy in which two or more people come together again in mutual trust. If you cannot trust the boss, then you need not reconcile, even if you forgive. To forgive is a free-will choice to have mercy on your boss. You can do that from a distance, for example, by not harshly putting the boss down if your conversation moves in the direction of this current employment. You can begin to see the inherent worth of your boss and soften your heart toward the boss, even when you move to another position.
Thank you for letting me know of the information on person-to-person forgiveness in Genesis, chapters 37-45. I have a follow-up question for you: Did Joseph await an apology from his half-brothers, or did he proceed with forgiveness without one?
Joseph forgave his half-brothers unconditionally, without their apologizing to him. They did not recognize him because they thought he was a slave in Egypt, not the leader that he was.
From what you can tell, what are the oldest writings on person-to-person forgiveness that have been preserved to the present day?
The oldest preserved forgiveness writings are in the first book of the Hebrew Bible, in Genesis, chapters 37-45, in which Joseph forgives his half-brothers for attempted murder and selling him into slavery in Egypt.
In my local community, I want to introduce children to forgiveness education. Would you recommend that I start first within schools, or should my pitch be to parents within families?
I think your idea is vital because we need to start helping children understand what forgiveness is and is not, so they have a strong defense against unjust treatment as they grow into adulthood. As we know, and unfortunately, in this imperfect world, many people will be confronted by deep injustices against them. Forgiveness is a scientifically supported approach to free the self from excessive anger and other challenging internal responses, such as anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem, when the injustices are severe. I think both school and home are worth your efforts. Talking to parents is crucial because sometimes schools are so overburdened with current requirements that educators do not feel as though they have room for one more addition, in this case, forgiveness. Because families do not have formal, state requirements for what is taught and emphasized in the home, it may be easier to plant forgiveness there first. You would need to strategize on how to introduce parents to forgiveness curricula, including helping them build confidence in teaching the material. I am here as questions arise for you on this very important idea.
You say in the book, The Forgiving Life, that the highest form of forgiveness is to engage in agape love for the offending person. This would mean that I have to willingly want to help this person even if it is painful for me to do so. I am not near that place right now. I am less angry, and I even wish her well, but I am not able to go higher than this right now. Does this mean that I am not forgiving?
There is a difference between the essence of forgiveness and its current expression in any of us as imperfect forgivers. So, do not be dismayed if all you can do for now is reduce anger and wish her well. You are on the journey of forgiveness, and you should be encouraged by this. Aristotle, the ancient Greek philosopher, said that we grow in the moral virtues by practicing them. Keep up the practice of forgiveness. You will keep advancing in this heroic moral virtue.
