Tagged: “Enright Forgiveness Process Model”
Is self-forgiveness required if you have indirectly harmed others by harming yourself emotionally for not acting on your own beliefs of right and wrong?
Because forgiveness is the person’s choice, whether it is toward others or toward oneself, we cannot say that self-forgiveness is required. Some people will choose to forgive themselves and others will not. It is a legitimate act to forgive oneself when you have harmed others, even if this occurs from anger toward oneself first and then displaced anger that spills over to unsuspecting other people. So, in this case, forgiving yourself for harming yourself and then forgiving yourself for hurting someone else would be reasonable and likely would be emotionally healing for you. As you forgive yourself for harming another person, you might consider approaching that person and asking for forgiveness, when you are ready to do so.
It appears to me that not all anger is negative. Can’t people find concentration, find energy in their anger, and achieve justice?
Indeed, having anger can serve as a driving force for doing good. However, we must distinguish between anger that stays within healthy bounds (i.e., does not incapacitate us and is not excessive) and anger that escalates into resentment (a sustained and intense form of anger that can cause exhaustion, division, and even medical issues). If we fail to recognize this difference, we risk becoming resentful and believing that it is ultimately beneficial rather than harmful.
Can you very succinctly tell me why forgiving people who hurt us is so important?
Here is my answer from the book, 8 Keys to Forgiveness (page 225):
You are given the joyous opportunity to shed bitterness and put love in its place for the one who hurt you and then more widely to many, many others, as you are freed to love more deeply and more widely.
Can you suggest one good journal article for me to read on forgiveness education?
I would recommend the following meta-analysis of forgiveness education in different world zones:
Rapp, H., Wang Xu, J., & Enright, R.D. (2022). A meta-analysis of forgiveness education interventions’ effects on forgiveness and anger in children and adolescents. Child Development, 93, 1249-1269.https://doi.org/10.1111/cdev.13771
The more that I take the other person’s perspective, the more I see a nasty person who should not have given in to those inner wounds. In other words, taking this kind of perspective makes me less forgiving, not more forgiving.
When we take the other’s perspective, we do not focus exclusively on that person’s history of being wounded. Yes, this is part of the process, but only one part. We also ask the forgiver to take what we call the global perspective in which the forgiver tries to see that both the one who offended and the forgiver share a common humanity. This, coupled with seeing the other person’s inner wounds, can help soften the heart of the one who is forgiving. We further have what we call the cosmic perspective, if the forgiver has a faith-based perspective, which can include seeing that both the one who offended and the one who was offended are both loved by God.
