Tagged: “Enright Forgiveness Process Model”

I feel like I’m being asked to forgive too much when I say yes. I am not all that exceptional; forgiveness is for all the holy people in the world. Do you think it would be okay if I just moved past this forgiving thing and carried on with my less-than-perfect life?

Forgiveness, according to the late Lewis Smedes, is reserved for individuals who are not perfect. Nobody is born with the ability to forgive well. We become more adept at understanding and extending forgiveness as we gain experience. Therefore, even if I’m a flawed person, I urge you to start small on the path to developing effective forgiveness.

Please follow and like us:

If someone hasn’t harmed me directly, can I still forgive them? As an illustration, one of my students was intentionally injured by another student. I work as a teacher. Can I forgive the person who mistreated a student I respect for his integrity and tenacity?

You speak of what some philosophers refer to as secondary forgiveness. Put another way, you have suffered more by someone else’s wrongdoing toward a significant other than from it personally. You have the ability to forgive if something unfair happens to you and causes you pain. This can even happen if you are injured even though you don’t know the victim or victims. This is an illustration of tertiary forgiveness: for example, your nation’s leader enters what you consider to be an unfair conflict with a another nation. If you choose to forgive the leader, then you can.

Please follow and like us:

You discuss both pursuing justice and being forgiving at the same time. Since I’m Asian, I know that asking one’s own parent for justice is utterly insulting. Even thinking about forgiving a parent is challenging since it implies that this parent is immoral, which is something I have been raised to never do in my society. What happens next?

It’s crucial, in my opinion, to draw a line between criticizing the parent and accepting that everyone makes mistakes. Being imperfect is not a reason for condemnation. It follows that your parent will occasionally make errors or even do the wrong thing if you are able to accept that they are fallible. After that, you can pardon while being aware that this is not meant to be disrespectful or judgmental. It’s actually an effort to regard your parent as valuable people in spite of their flaws. This, in my opinion, shows respect for the parent as a deserving individual.

That being said, we now have to address the problem of never approaching a parent to request a behavior modification. It seems to rely on how you go about doing it. By adhering to the principles in the opening paragraph, you can approach a parent in a helpful manner rather than an accusing one. Let’s say your parent consistently treats you harshly. Is it possible for you to say something along the lines of, “Yes, I will try to do better.” I sincerely hope that you will recognize the goodness in me.” Put differently, you are highlighting an aspect of yourself for the parent to see. That is not then correcting your parent.

Please follow and like us:

Fear or anger—-which of these emotions is more central to overcome with forgiving?

If you are fearful of what the other did to you and might do again, you can avoid reconciliation with this person.  You can forgive without reconciling.  Forgiveness starts within a person, with thinking and feeling toward the other.  You need not take the step of behaving toward the other—of interacting with the other—if this person continues to harm you.  This should reduce fear.  Anger tends to be reduced first through forgiving.  The anger can lessen even more if the other person is repentant, apologizes to you, and changes for the better so that you can reconcile with a sense of genuine trust toward the person.

Please follow and like us:

Is the main test of forgiving the overcoming of anger?

Overcoming anger toward the one(s) who acted unjustly is one of the main ways of knowing that one is on the path of forgiving.  As Aristotle reminds us, none of us is perfect in appropriating the virtues.  As Aristotle further reminds us, there is much more to any virtue than just one component of it.  Therefore, overcoming anger is important and those who so overcome should feel very good about this.  At the same time, a forgiver should realize that there are other components of forgiveness that can be cultivated, such as a softened heart toward the one who was unjust.  This can include kindness, respect, generosity, and even love for the other.  The cultivation of love (the ancient Greek word for this kind of love is agape, or loving others even when it is painful to do so) toward this person seems to be the highest level of forgiving and this can take both effort and time to achieve.

Please follow and like us: