Tagged: “Enright Forgiveness Process Model”
Thank you for giving me advice on not moving forward with a 2-hour forgiveness approach, given my long-standing hurt from my cousin. Which of your books would you recommend? I like the Socratic dialogue in your book, The Forgiving Life. Do you think that might help?
Yes, The Forgiving Life book works you through our Process Model of Forgiveness, as do my other self-help books. You are correct that The Forgiving Life is a dialogue between two people, as you read how they go about the forgiveness process. If you like the Socratic dialogue, then this is the book for you.
I recently read an article in which the author claims that the reader will be able to accomplish forgiving another person in less than two hours. I have a long-standing conflict with my cousin that goes back years. Do you think I should look into this 2-hour approach?
Our research shows that deep hurts from other people’s injustice take weeks or months to heal. We find that at least 12 weeks usually are necessary for these deep hurts to begin healing through forgiveness. Therefore, the 2-hour idea is for those with minor offenses against them and minimal psychological harm. In your case, I would not recommend the short approach.
I have been ignoring a co-worker who is harsh with me. I am wondering if this makes me a bad person. I do not hate the person and I feel sorry for him. I just can’t take the harshness.
It seems to me that your issue is one of reconciliation. You are not harboring hatred, as you say. You even “feel sorry” for him. So, there is no indication of being a “bad person” who might want to seek revenge and be hurtful. So, I recommend that you work on changing your views of yourself, seeing yourself as someone who reduces negative emotions in the face of difficult interactions coming from the other person.
I am aware of the success of forgiveness with adults in prison. I now am wondering if you have any evidence that forgiveness interventions can work in juvenile corrections.
Yes, we have two published studies, both conducted in South Korea, demonstrating the effectiveness of forgiveness interventions for adolescents. The two references are as follows:
Park, J.H., Enright, R.D., Essex, M.J., Zahn-Waxler, C., & Klatt, J.S. (2013). Forgiveness intervention for female South Korean adolescent aggressive victims. Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology, 20, 393-402.
Ji, W. & Enright, R.D. (2024). Forgiveness in juvenile corrections: An exploratory study on Korean female youth offenders. Journal of Family Trauma, Child Custody, and Child Development.https://doi.org/10.1080/26904586.2024.2436967
I have been reading a lot about the idea that “forgiveness is for you” (the injured person), not for the one who behaved badly. Do you agree?
No, I do not agree with this idea. If forgiveness is a moral virtue, then it concerns goodness toward others, particularly the one who was unjust in the case of forgiveness. In fact, I have written an essay for Psychology Today about this very issue here:
