Tagged: “Enright Forgiveness Process Model”

Has forgiveness education in schools been researched and found fruitful?

Yes, forgiveness education has been researched over 20 times in different cultures of the world with both children and adolescents.  The research shows that children can learn about what forgiveness is; they can learn to forgive those who acted unfairly; and they can reduce their anger toward those who were unfair.  Here is a reference to a study that examined these forgiveness education programs worldwide:

Rapp, H., Wang Xu, J., & Enright, R.D. (2022). A meta-analysis of forgiveness education interventions’ effects on forgiveness and anger in children and adolescents. Child Development, 93, 1249-1269.https://doi.org/10.1111/cdev.13771

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If a parent keeps asking a child to forgive the parent, won’t that seem like forcing a child to forgive?

You raise an important point.  If a parent insists on forgiveness, this may be giving the wrong message that the child must forgive.  The parent needs forgiveness education to know that the offer of forgiveness is the child’s choice, when the child is ready.  It is best, in my view, if the child is drawn to the beauty of forgiveness rather than seeing it as a grim obligation that is forced upon the child.  In other words, the parent needs a gently approach when asking for forgiveness.

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If teachers of elementary school children teach forgiveness education and then the child goes home to parents who discourage forgiveness, what is your opinion of the effectiveness of the school-based instruction?

It is difficult to know the answer to this because each situation will be different.  Yet, it seems to me that if forgiveness education is consistent across years in school, the student will have a chance to understand accurately what forgiveness is and is not.  The children then have the opportunity to choose forgiveness for themselves as they see the norm in school that forgiveness is worthwhile.

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Do you think that forgiveness is something that should be taught formally in schools?

What is the purpose of education?  Isn’t it to prepare children for adulthood?  We prepare children to read. We prepare children to balance a checkbook.  Why do we not prepare them for the injustices that likely will visit each child in adulthood?  Yes, I do think we need forgiveness education in schools so that, when the students grow into adulthood and experience cruelty, sometimes unexpected and deep cruelty, we will have equipped them with how to recover from that through forgiveness, if the person now chooses forgiveness as a free will decision.  Further, it would be important to teach the teamwork of forgiving and justice-seeking so that the child does not equate forgiving with giving in to the other’s unfairness.

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How do you correct a child who equates forgiveness with revenge? I sometimes hear my son saying to his friend that they can be buddies again only if he can hit him back.

I think you need to first ask your son this: If you hit your friend, do you think he will feel pain?  Then you need to ask this: “What is forgiveness?  Is it gentle?”  Try to get your son to see the large difference between causing pain and giving tenderness and love.  Once your child sees this difference, he likely will abandon the idea that hitting is equated with forgiving.

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